4 Critical Money Questions to Ask Your Older Man Before It’s Too Late

may_december_relationshipsYou decided that you want to date a rich man, so you went out, found your­self a hand­some, suc­cess­ful older man, and you’ve been involved in this heated May-December rela­tion­ship for a while. He’s spoil­ing you rot­ten and treat­ing you like a queen. Things are going well, and your plan to date a rich man seems to be work­ing. And then, one day, he asks you to make your May-December rela­tion­ship offi­cial with marriage—what do you do?

Mar­riage is a big step—you’re going from the sim­ple desire to date a rich man, to promis­ing to spend your life with him. Before tak­ing your May-December rela­tion­ship to that level, there are a few things you need to do, like talk about finances. Money can be a touchy issue in some May-December rela­tion­ships, espe­cially if that rela­tion­ship started with you just want­ing to date a rich man for the sake of hav­ing that finan­cial boost and with him will­ing to just keep spend­ing on you.

Once you reach the point of mar­riage though, it becomes increas­ingly impor­tant to get every­thing out in the open, because his finances will inad­ver­tently be affect­ing you, as his wife. When it comes to May-December rela­tion­ships, it’s impor­tant that you and your older man are on the same page, espe­cially when it comes to money issues, so that you can not only nav­i­gate through any chal­lenges that may arise, but so that you can bet­ter pre­pare for your future together.

Here’s a list of things that you and your older man should dis­cuss with regards to money before walk­ing down that aisle.

Credit Scores: When all you were wor­ried about was just being able to date a rich man, you prob­a­bly didn’t really care where the money came from or how he got it. But now that your May-December rela­tion­ship is on the brink of mar­riage, a credit score can be a good indi­ca­tion of his money man­age­ment skills, or lack thereof. Despite this, it turns out that credit scores are the one thing most cou­ples don’t dis­cuss before mar­riage, accord­ing to a sur­vey by one pop­u­lar credit-rating agency.

Annual Income: Know­ing how much money will be com­ing in the door each year will help you and your older man deter­mine what kind of lifestyle you can afford to sus­tain after get­ting married.

Debt: When you date a rich man, he may come across as a big spender, which is great for a flour­ish­ing new May-December rela­tion­ship. But that doesn’t nec­es­sar­ily mean that he doesn’t have debt. And if that’s the case, his debt will become your debt, too after mar­riage. That’s why it’s impor­tant to know about his finan­cial his­tory before tying the knot, so you know full well what you’re get­ting into. But it also works the other way. When you just date a rich man, you may not have to worry about your finan­cial oblig­a­tions as much, but once you agree to mar­ry­ing him, you need to dis­close any debt that you’ll be bring­ing into the marriage—he has the right to know just as much as you do about his debt.

Sav­ings and Retire­ment Plan­ning: This one goes back to that first point about your older man’s money man­age­ment skills. When you date a rich a man for the short-term, his sav­ings have no imme­di­ate impact on you or your May-December rela­tion­ship. All that you see is him spend­ing money, but you may not know what he’s got sit­ting in the bank. If you’re going to make that rich older man your hus­band, it’s help­ful to know how much he has in savings—what hap­pens if he loses his job tomor­row or his com­pany goes bank­rupt? Will the two of you have a finan­cial cush­ion to fall back on? You also have to dis­cuss what hap­pens after retire­ment; if he’s older, he’s going to retire first. Does he have a plan in place, or will you be the one who ends up sup­port­ing him?

What do you think: Do you and your older man ever dis­cuss money issues?


O’Bannon, I.M., “Get­ting Mar­ried? 10 Things to Know About Your Fiance’s Finances,” CPA Prac­tice Advi­sor web site, June 3, 2014; http://goo.gl/5J5VZU.

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About Francine K

I first met Alfred when I was 38 and he was 63, on an Internet chat site. I really didn't think this was a datable person, but a wonderful friendship developed. We became chat buddies for a while and connected so well on so many levels, we decided to meet in person. We live 100 miles apart, but that has never gotten in the way of us spending time together. A passionate relationship soon grew, and oh what an amazing lover. I had some reservations about getting too involved: our age difference is 25 years, and we are in different phases in our lives; in fact he has a daughter who is older than I am. I have 2 teenage sons, a career, was building my first home, and he’s retired, owns his home, lives alone, takes a nap during the day, and enjoys a slow-paced lifestyle. I am still ambitious and will soon have the empty nest to go start my own life, as my sons are nearly independent. There is no way I want to sit down and have a retired lifestyle yet. We’ve shared a beautiful, passionate friendship for many years together. We’ve never really figured out how to plan a future together, though.