4 Things You Need to Discuss with Your Older Man Before Things Get Serious

4 Things You Need to Discuss with Your Older ManInti­mate rela­tion­ships are never easy, espe­cially in the early stages when you’re both try­ing to nav­i­gate through the rocky waters of get­ting to know each other. Some­times the con­nec­tion will spark imme­di­ately upon first con­tact, but other times, it needs a bit more work. As the early stages of your rela­tion­ship progress, you should be able to deter­mine if this is some­one you can be with long-term.

If you’re a younger woman dat­ing an older man, it’s a given that the dynam­ics of your age-gap rela­tion­ship will be a lit­tle dif­fer­ent. Many sugar daddy rela­tion­ships start out casual, but if the con­nec­tion is there, there’s no rea­son it can’t turn into some­thing more seri­ous. If you’re hop­ing to estab­lish a long-term con­nec­tion with your older man, there are cer­tain things you need to address early on in your relationship.

Set­ting the Terms

If you feel like your sugar daddy is turn­ing into a seri­ous rela­tion­ship prospect, the first thing you need to do is talk to him about it. For all you know, he may be per­fectly happy keep­ing things casual, so you need to find out if you’re both on the same page.

Your older man may know the ins and outs of busi­ness man­age­ment or the stock mar­ket, but he may not be the sharpest crayon in the box when it comes to under­stand­ing women. Men in gen­eral aren’t always very recep­tive to sub­tle cues from women, so some­times it’s bet­ter to just be direct. Ask him how he feels about how your rela­tion­ship is going at the moment: Is he happy? Frus­trated? Bored?

Then ask him whether or not he sees him­self with you in five, or even 10 years. Ask him how he feels about marriage—if he’s com­pletely against it, it may be a red flag that he’s not ready to com­mit. But if he says that he’s thought about the prospect of hav­ing a wife (bet­ter yet, mak­ing you his wife,) at least you know that there’s potential.

The Oth­ers

You may be per­fectly happy flaunt­ing your sugar daddy for the world to see—after all, he’s hand­some, rich, and knows how to keep you happy. But unfor­tu­nately, the rest of the world might not be so recep­tive to your age-gap rela­tion­ship. You can be as naïve as you want, but the truth is, peo­ple will stare, ask ques­tions, and make unjust assump­tions about why a young woman is dat­ing a much older man. It’s going to hap­pen whether you like it or not, so if this makes you feel uncom­fort­able, get out now.

Talk to your older man about how you’re both going to deal with the spec­ta­tors. Are you going to ignore them com­pletely? Or maybe you’re both more com­fort­able with keep­ing the inti­macy behind closed doors where you won’t be judged? What­ever you decide, make sure that it’s a deci­sion you come up with together so that you’re both com­fort­able with how you’re going to han­dle an uncom­fort­able sit­u­a­tion. The last thing you want is to be con­fronted in pub­lic and have no idea how to han­dle it—not only is it awk­ward, but it can lead to unfor­tu­nate argu­ments if your sig­nif­i­cant other doesn’t react the way you want him to.


You’re young and full of life. If you’re hop­ing to start a fam­ily of your own some­day, this is some­thing you need to dis­cuss with your sugar daddy early on. Granted you may not have thought about the prospect of hav­ing kids in the future, but even still, it’s impor­tant to gauge your older man’s thoughts on the sub­ject. If he’s sig­nif­i­cantly older than you are, there’s a chance he has grown kids of his own, and he may have no inter­est in rais­ing babies again. If kids are impor­tant to you, but he’s not inter­ested, you may want to find some­one who has more sim­i­lar plans for your future life together.


Your older sugar daddy may be mature and refined, but let’s not sug­ar­coat it—he’s going to be using his seniors’ dis­count a lot sooner than you are. There is going to come a time when he won’t be able to move as quickly as he once used to, both on foot and in the bed­room. If your rela­tion­ship is headed for the long haul, it’s impor­tant to dis­cuss how your lifestyle may change over the years, and what adjust­ments you’re both will­ing to make in the rela­tion­ship as it pro­gresses. What’s going to hap­pen when he retires and you’ve still got a few work­ing years ahead of you? What hap­pens if one day, he needs a care­taker more than a lover—is that a role you’re will­ing to take on for your older man?

You may also want to talk to him about his own plans for old age, like where he sees him­self set­tling down after retire­ment. Men already have a shorter life expectancy than women, so, as depress­ing as it sounds, it wouldn’t hurt to even­tu­ally sit down and have a con­ver­sa­tion with your older man about what hap­pens when in death do you part.