Intimate relationships are never easy, especially in the early stages when you’re both trying to navigate through the rocky waters of getting to know each other. Sometimes the connection will spark immediately upon first contact, but other times, it needs a bit more work. As the early stages of your relationship progress, you should be able to determine if this is someone you can be with long-term.
If you’re a younger woman dating an older man, it’s a given that the dynamics of your age-gap relationship will be a little different. Many sugar daddy relationships start out casual, but if the connection is there, there’s no reason it can’t turn into something more serious. If you’re hoping to establish a long-term connection with your older man, there are certain things you need to address early on in your relationship.
Setting the Terms
If you feel like your sugar daddy is turning into a serious relationship prospect, the first thing you need to do is talk to him about it. For all you know, he may be perfectly happy keeping things casual, so you need to find out if you’re both on the same page.
Your older man may know the ins and outs of business management or the stock market, but he may not be the sharpest crayon in the box when it comes to understanding women. Men in general aren’t always very receptive to subtle cues from women, so sometimes it’s better to just be direct. Ask him how he feels about how your relationship is going at the moment: Is he happy? Frustrated? Bored?
Then ask him whether or not he sees himself with you in five, or even 10 years. Ask him how he feels about marriage—if he’s completely against it, it may be a red flag that he’s not ready to commit. But if he says that he’s thought about the prospect of having a wife (better yet, making you his wife,) at least you know that there’s potential.
You may be perfectly happy flaunting your sugar daddy for the world to see—after all, he’s handsome, rich, and knows how to keep you happy. But unfortunately, the rest of the world might not be so receptive to your age-gap relationship. You can be as naïve as you want, but the truth is, people will stare, ask questions, and make unjust assumptions about why a young woman is dating a much older man. It’s going to happen whether you like it or not, so if this makes you feel uncomfortable, get out now.
Talk to your older man about how you’re both going to deal with the spectators. Are you going to ignore them completely? Or maybe you’re both more comfortable with keeping the intimacy behind closed doors where you won’t be judged? Whatever you decide, make sure that it’s a decision you come up with together so that you’re both comfortable with how you’re going to handle an uncomfortable situation. The last thing you want is to be confronted in public and have no idea how to handle it—not only is it awkward, but it can lead to unfortunate arguments if your significant other doesn’t react the way you want him to.
You’re young and full of life. If you’re hoping to start a family of your own someday, this is something you need to discuss with your sugar daddy early on. Granted you may not have thought about the prospect of having kids in the future, but even still, it’s important to gauge your older man’s thoughts on the subject. If he’s significantly older than you are, there’s a chance he has grown kids of his own, and he may have no interest in raising babies again. If kids are important to you, but he’s not interested, you may want to find someone who has more similar plans for your future life together.
Your older sugar daddy may be mature and refined, but let’s not sugarcoat it—he’s going to be using his seniors’ discount a lot sooner than you are. There is going to come a time when he won’t be able to move as quickly as he once used to, both on foot and in the bedroom. If your relationship is headed for the long haul, it’s important to discuss how your lifestyle may change over the years, and what adjustments you’re both willing to make in the relationship as it progresses. What’s going to happen when he retires and you’ve still got a few working years ahead of you? What happens if one day, he needs a caretaker more than a lover—is that a role you’re willing to take on for your older man?
You may also want to talk to him about his own plans for old age, like where he sees himself settling down after retirement. Men already have a shorter life expectancy than women, so, as depressing as it sounds, it wouldn’t hurt to eventually sit down and have a conversation with your older man about what happens when in death do you part.