It seems more widely accepted among men when a younger woman is dating an older man. However, whether or not women of an older man’s generation accept it is decidedly different.
My older man and I live in a community where couples of his generation dine together, go to movies together, and even vacation together. Certainly, he and his former wife spent many evenings on group outings with their friends.
However, I never expected or wanted to be included in outings with his friends and their wives. Many of the women were still friends with his former wife, and it would be awkward and unpleasant. But, avoiding group outings didn’t exempt me from having to interact, on occasion, with the women that he and his former wife once socialized with.
Nothing is as painful as a pretentious older woman pretending to be pleasant and making small-talk with you, when you can see the disdain in her eyes that you snatched a husband from their generational pool.
My dislike for the older women in my older man’s social circles began when several of his closest friends conveniently had conflicts the day we were married. Some of his closest male friends didn’t attend our wedding, and it wasn’t a secret that their wives were friends with his former wife.
And yet, despite our request for no gifts, they all sent overly expensive gifts to our home with warm wishes for our upcoming wedding and apologies that they couldn’t make it. Since our wedding, I have done my full best to not interact with the women who I know prevented their husbands from attending our wedding.
When out on a social outing, though, if we run into them, I get the fake smiles and questions about our son. With pleasant distraction, I always respond as briefly as possible. Sometimes I do my best to talk to anyone else available, and pretend I don’t see them.
However, one night, running into the crew of older, fake women finally paid off. It was the night I witnessed one of the women at a society party, drunk to the nines in her Lilly Pulitzer dress, stumbling around in a crowd of influential people.
For so long, every time I had to interact with them I had felt belittled and judged. It hurt my feelings that they snubbed my older man by not attending our wedding. But after witnessing the older woman stumble her way across the lawn to the valet, her husband supporting her every move, I realized that they might be older than me, but they certainly weren’t classier.
My older man always encourages pleasant interactions, even with those you don’t necessarily like. I have a more difficult time with being pleasant to fake, pretentious people, but for him, I always politely smile when I have to.
If you are with an older man and feel belittled by older women, realize that class doesn’t have an age, and don’t feel compelled to be anyone’s best friend, or to be fake. Always be pleasant, and eventually, you will see that the women judging you aren’t as perfect as they’d have you believe.