How I Dealt with My Older Man’s Drunk and Obnoxious Friends

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It seems more widely accepted among men when a younger woman is dat­ing an older man. How­ever, whether or not women of an older man’s gen­er­a­tion accept it is decid­edly different.

My older man and I live in a com­mu­nity where cou­ples of his gen­er­a­tion dine together, go to movies together, and even vaca­tion together. Cer­tainly, he and his for­mer wife spent many evenings on group out­ings with their friends.

How­ever, I never expected or wanted to be included in out­ings with his friends and their wives. Many of the women were still friends with his for­mer wife, and it would be awk­ward and unpleas­ant. But, avoid­ing group out­ings didn’t exempt me from hav­ing to inter­act, on occa­sion, with the women that he and his for­mer wife once social­ized with.

Noth­ing is as painful as a pre­ten­tious older woman pre­tend­ing to be pleas­ant and mak­ing small-talk with you, when you can see the dis­dain in her eyes that you snatched a hus­band from their gen­er­a­tional pool.

My dis­like for the older women in my older man’s social cir­cles began when sev­eral of his clos­est friends con­ve­niently had con­flicts the day we were mar­ried. Some of his clos­est male friends didn’t attend our wed­ding, and it wasn’t a secret that their wives were friends with his for­mer wife.

And yet, despite our request for no gifts, they all sent overly expen­sive gifts to our home with warm wishes for our upcom­ing wed­ding and apolo­gies that they couldn’t make it. Since our wed­ding, I have done my full best to not inter­act with the women who I know pre­vented their hus­bands from attend­ing our wedding.

When out on a social out­ing, though, if we run into them, I get the fake smiles and ques­tions about our son. With pleas­ant dis­trac­tion, I always respond as briefly as pos­si­ble. Some­times I do my best to talk to any­one else avail­able, and pre­tend I don’t see them.

How­ever, one night, run­ning into the crew of older, fake women finally paid off. It was the night I wit­nessed one of the women at a soci­ety party, drunk to the nines in her Lilly Pulitzer dress, stum­bling around in a crowd of influ­en­tial people.

For so long, every time I had to inter­act with them I had felt belit­tled and judged. It hurt my feel­ings that they snubbed my older man by not attend­ing our wed­ding. But after wit­ness­ing the older woman stum­ble her way across the lawn to the valet, her hus­band sup­port­ing her every move, I real­ized that they might be older than me, but they cer­tainly weren’t classier.

My older man always encour­ages pleas­ant inter­ac­tions, even with those you don’t nec­es­sar­ily like. I have a more dif­fi­cult time with being pleas­ant to fake, pre­ten­tious peo­ple, but for him, I always politely smile when I have to.

If you are with an older man and feel belit­tled by older women, real­ize that class doesn’t have an age, and don’t feel com­pelled to be anyone’s best friend, or to be fake. Always be pleas­ant, and even­tu­ally, you will see that the women judg­ing you aren’t as per­fect as they’d have you believe.

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  • eyas

    Won­der how hard it is for your man to inter­act with your male friends. Bet it’s just as awkward.