All relationships will inevitably have their ups and downs, and age gap relationships are no different. In fact, the age difference can sometimes feel like it’s pulling you apart. But that’s why it’s especially important in age gap relationships to find a common ground. Rather than letting the age difference set you apart, you should be focusing on making sure that you’re both on the same page about your desires, goals, and expectations in the relationship. That being said, some things are better left unsaid sometimes.
A recent study uncovered the key to a happier, stronger, and more sexually satisfying relationship, and it’s a lot simpler than you think. If you want to improve your age gap relationships, ditch your routine and try being a little more spontaneous.
In order to examine the effects that adding spontaneity could have on a relationship, the study followed 30 couples throughout their daily routines, and then again during a week that was specially designed to include certain unplanned activities and spontaneous gestures of love. The findings showed that the spontaneous gestures of love resulted in twice the amount of intimacy, like kisses and cuddling, as well a 33% increase in sex—the number of pairs having daily sex actually quadrupled.
Spontaneity doesn’t just improve your sex life in age gap relationships. The study also revealed that adding impulsive behavior boosted the level of happiness in a relationship by 20%, as well as the level of confidence and communication between partners. A third of the female participants actually said that the increased communication in their relationship was the best part of the study.
Before you start planning an over-the-top surprise for your older man, keep in mind that “planned spontaneity” seemed to be the most effective in this study. Rather than catching your partner completely off guard with a big romantic gesture, drop a subtle hint or two about your plans. Don’t give it all away, but just let them in on an inkling of your surprise.
And speaking of surprises, you don’t have to go too over-the-top to reap the benefits in your age gap relationships. Try leaving them a steamy note or voicemail message, surprising them with breakfast in bed, arranging a spontaneous hotel night, booking a dinner at their favorite restaurant, or treating them to a relaxing massage or afternoon at the spa.
You’ll be surprised to see how far these small, but spontaneous and thoughtful gestures can really go in age gap relationships. Almost of all of the couples in the study agreed that participating really did improve their relationship and that they plan to maintain the same level of spontaneity going forward.
Here are a few more tips for adding spontaneity to your age gap relationships:
• Keep the spontaneity consistent—a one-off will only get you so far. Build it into your routine regularly, but be careful not to go too overboard. Too much impulsivity will just lead to fatigue and anxiety.
• Change it up by balancing bigger gestures, like a surprise weekend getaway, with smaller-scale ones, like leaving your partner a love note.
• Be observant of your partner’s reaction. Some people naturally have a need to plan in order to feel comfortable. Over time, you should be able to gage how big of a hint you need to give them beforehand so that they don’t get too anxious.
• Let your guard down. Women tend to be natural planners, so if your older man is the one who’s trying to be spontaneous, sit back and let him take the reins.
What do you think: What’s the most spontaneous thing that you and your older man have ever done?
Greenaway, N., “Frisky business: Ditching the diary and surprising your lover boosts sex by 33%,” Daily Mail web site, June 16, 2014; http://goo.gl/XgydWu.