Why I Ended My May-December Relationship with an Older Man

I was 34, Sam was 56, and our age dif­fer­ence was becom­ing more obvi­ous. Sam was get­ting grayer, and had less to become gray. He wore read­ing glasses, but now needed a small dis­tance cor­rec­tion, so he got pre­scrip­tion glasses. He decided they made him look dis­tin­guished, so he wore them con­stantly. I thought they made him look old.

Sam had a fond­ness for alco­hol. After retir­ing, he bought a bar/restaurant. The liquor was handy, and being the owner, it was just too easy. As the weeks passed, his coming-home time changed from early to late evening. I’d go to bed alone, only to awaken dur­ing the night, still alone. I would call the restau­rant, and he would answer in a groggy voice. He had passed out in his office. I began to feel like a mother, call­ing in the mid­dle of the night and ask­ing him to come home. The drink­ing and late nights aged him fur­ther, mak­ing him appear more drawn and haggard.

One night, I awoke at 4 a.m., alone again. This time, I lacked the energy and inter­est to call him. I had had enough. It wasn’t until the next morn­ing when I was leav­ing for work that I found out where he had really been all night. I found him asleep in his car, parked next to mine in the garage.

My par­ents invited me to spend a long week­end with them, dur­ing which I spent a lot of time gaz­ing out the win­dow and walk­ing on the beach. I exam­ined my life. I had given a pre­cious win­dow of my time to Sam—ages 24 to 34—a time I could have spent seek­ing my life part­ner. That week­end, I made the deci­sion to end it, to give it up and spend some time alone.

Upon return­ing, I asked him to go for din­ner. I waited until after din­ner and cof­fee to tell him all of my thoughts. I told him I could no longer live with the ups and downs; not know­ing if he’d come home; not know­ing if he’d be drunk. We were no longer a team, and the sleep­less nights were wear­ing on me emo­tion­ally and phys­i­cally. And I couldn’t do it anymore.

He lis­tened in silence, and then I saw the veins come out on his fore­head. He became red-faced and furi­ous. He exclaimed, “Oh, I see! Because I have a busi­ness to run and need to be there, and that doesn’t suit you, you want to end it! What about all I’ve done for you?! Appar­ently, since things are not going well as far as YOURE con­cerned, you’re ready to throw it all away!” He sure missed the point.

The dis­cus­sion was esca­lat­ing, so I con­vinced him to leave the restau­rant. We drove home in silence. My mind actu­ally wan­dered to how my fam­ily would cope after they learned Sam wrapped the car around a tree. He moved out the next day.

It was my choice to be with an older man, but time changed both of us, and the age dif­fer­ence only con­tributed to those changes, caus­ing us to have incom­pat­i­ble goals. So, I made the choice to go for­ward alone. My choices then were lim­it­less. Being in an age gap rela­tion­ship has its perks, and I never regret­ted it, but there comes a point when the rela­tion­ship runs its course and you have to decide what’s best for YOU.

  • William Reynolds

    17 or 70.…a drunk is a drunk. THAT was your prob­lem, not the man’s age.

  • Moomur

    Obvi­ously this guy had a drink­ing prob­lem. Noth­ing really to do with age.

  • Amanda

    Wow, that was inter­est­ingly weird, I am 27 and my hus­band is 43 and I think that we work very well together, I LOVE every gray hair and as he gets grayer he becomes more lov­ing and I think he looks very dig­ni­fied. We have been together for 7 years, so it is not like my fond­ness of him is new it is some­thing that has grown over time. I love that he is older and more mature, I know that some­times he finds it hard to keep up with me, but that never stops him, some­times we argue (what cou­ple does’t), but we sup­port eachother and will con­tinue to and when he is “too old” I will get him a nice sexy nanny to change his dia­pers so that my feel­ing toward him never change :)

    • Marek Helcl

      Addic­tion will do this to you and a guy even much younger than you. Have you tried get­ting pro­fes­sional help for him ?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Beauchamp/1636773204 Mark Beauchamp

    This can hap­pen with a young guy as well.

    • mane­stro

      Really? do you know a lot of guys under 30 with bifo­cals and grey hair?

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Beauchamp/1636773204 Mark Beauchamp

        I mean the drink­ing problem!

      • http://www.facebook.com/brian.danay Brian Bate­man Danay

        Oddly enough, yes. 4 of my friends have either entirely thin, or bald­ing patched heads. One is grey through­out and he’s 27.
        Bifo­cals, well, hell i wear them due to com­puter fatiuge.
        So. Alco­holics are dicks at any age.

      • http://www.facebook.com/andrew.ayers.71 Andrew Ayers

        Are you really THAT shallow?

  • LiliC

    the first para­graph is point­less, as the older man reference.

    alco­hol cares not for age, sweetie.

  • mane­stro

    Gen­er­ally speak­ing, what does a 34 year old woman pos­si­bly have in com­mon with a man 22 years her senior? Unless this guy is a cap­tain of indus­try or celebrity what is the appeal? It’s pretty obvi­ous that she was put off by his aged appear­ance. She was prob­a­bly settling.

    • http://www.facebook.com/limpyandrippy Norma Lup­ton

      A lot! My hus­band is 31 years my senior and we have a won­der­ful mar­riage. Norma L

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001014849544 Mike Alan

      I’m 28 years older than my gf of 4 1/2 years. Sur­pris­ingly we have a tremen­dous amount in com­mon, laugh all the time and I have no prob­lem keep­ing up w her in bed;). Life is great, her mom loves me and my kids love her;)

  • Jon Luc Gariveau

    Don’t for­get that we’re only get­ting her side of the story. There could eas­ily be stuff that she isn’t telling us, &/or alter­ing the facts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001014849544 Mike Alan

    I’m 54 and my gf of 4 1/2 years is 26.5;). Every­day is bet­ter then the pre­vi­ous day. I keep up w her in every pos­si­ble way except I have a bad back and don’t lift. She loves older men and find me more attrac­tive every­day;). She has a daddy com