QUESTION: I’m a single mom of two and I’ve been dating a wealthy, older man for a few months now. I know he’s more interested in me than I am in him, so I’ve kept the relationship “fun” without getting too serious, and we’ve both been OK with it…until now. He wants to take the next step and meet my sons, but I’m not ready for that. How do I tell him “no” without losing him completely?
CHELSEA SAYS: Are you sure that you’ve both been OK with keeping things “fun”? Because I’m getting the impression that you’re both on totally different pages. It sounds like he’s looking for something serious, but you’re just looking for a sugar daddy. And there’s nothing wrong with a single mom having a sugar daddy, but only if he knows that that’s all it is. Your older man may be under the impression that even with the age difference, you’re in a healthy, mutual relationship. Meanwhile, you’re just looking for someone with money to pass the time with.
How you tell him “no” really depends on what you’re trying to convey to your sugar daddy: are you saying “not right now” or “never”? If you feel like it’s just too soon, then just explain your feelings openly and honestly, and if he’s genuinely interested in establishing a solid relationship with you and your kids, he’ll be willing to wait till the time is right, too. If you’re sure that you never want your sugar daddy to meet your kids, then explain to him that you were under the impression that you were keeping things casual and you don’t think your kids will understand the dynamic of your relationship. However, be prepared for the possibility that he’ll bolt. Like I said, if you’re both not on the same page about the relationship, you need to accept that he might move on to someone who’s looking for the same things he is.
However, I must say that I’m glad you’re holding off on introducing your sugar daddy to your kids. Before even thinking about bringing your kids into the May-December relationship, you need to be 100% sure that he’s an upstanding guy—the last thing you want to do is introduce your kids to a tool. They won’t take your relationship seriously, and then when you do introduce them to Mr. Right, it’ll be that much harder to earn their approval. Secondly, you need to make sure you want to keep him around for more than just his good looks and money, and, of course, that he’s planning on sticking around too.
If you’re planning on continuing to date this older man without telling your kids about him, there’s one important thing to keep in mind—they could find out. Of course, it depends on how old your kids are, but there’s always the possibility that they’ll either catch on to you sneaking around, or they’ll hear it through the grapevine. In any case, if they find out before you tell them, it can hurt not only your May-December relationship, but also your parent-child one too.