QUESTION: When it comes to finding a sugar daddy through online dating, how can I really get an older man’s attention without being overly sexual? The overly sexual thing seems to work, but it makes it that much more difficult to withhold sex as part of the arrangement. I’m willing to spend as much time with him as he wants, but I’m not comfortable having sex with him right off the bat. And I’m scared that if I’m overly sexual with my messages, they’re less likely to agree with holding off on sex.
CHELSEA SAYS: This is a great question! Online dating has really been picking up, and even though it’s a great way to meet a potential sugar daddy, it can be pretty hard to navigate sometimes. Good for you for knowing what your boundaries are and sticking to them. Sex can be a tricky area with sugar daddy/sugar baby relationships, so it’s important to make it clear from the beginning about what you are willing to do and what’s off-limits.
There are definitely other effective ways to catch a sugar daddy’s attention without being sexual. First of all, make sure you have pictures on your dating profile, and make sure they’re recent—men are more likely to respond to your messages if they can put a face to them.
When it comes to your actual message, I think you’ll have better luck getting a sugar daddy’s attention if your message stands out from the rest. Skip the general and vague “Hey, how’s it going?” message and try something a little more personal that shows him that you actually took the time to check out his dating profile. For example, if he has a picture with a dog, say something like, “I see you’re a dog person. I am, too! What’s the little guy’s name?” It’s simple, conversational, and right off the bat you’ve told him that you have something in common. I also find that asking simple questions engages him in a conversation.
The most important thing when it comes to online dating is to just be yourself. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s so true. You can only put on a front for so long. Sexual messages will work for sexual people. But if you’re more of a comedian, use that to your advantage. If you’re serious about finding a sugar daddy that you really connect with, you want him to fall for the real you.
TRENT SAYS: I think the world of online dating is an emotional obstacle course fraught with trickery. Or rather, people trying to fudge their dating resume and preferences. We all want to look good to a prospective mate, but you eventually have to meet the person you’ve been communicating with, so you don’t want to wax eloquently too much.
Sugar baby/sugar daddy relationships aren’t a one-dimensional light switch. The relationship may move more quickly than other relationships in the beginning, but you need to know more about your sugar daddy than his occupation, and he should want to meet you for more than your body.
But how do you get his attention? I always thought people who peppered their online dating profiles with overt sexuality were lacking in creativity. People are on the site to meet someone of the opposite sex—it’s sort of implied that you hope he’s attractive and/or financially well-off.
If you want to meet an interesting sugar daddy, be interesting in your profile. I’m not going to say it’s not important to have a fetching profile picture, because it is; men and women are visual creatures, after all. The truth of the matter is that sugar daddies scan through profiles by the dozen, so you want to stand out. At the same time, you want to sound interesting.
Sadly, online dating profiles tend to be quite boring. It’s funny; a sugar baby might say she wants to meet a sugar daddy with a sense of humor, but her profile is entirely lacking in it. Or a sugar daddy might say he wants to meet a smart, interesting sugar baby, but his profile is dull and full of grammatical errors.
You attract what you put out there, so create a profile you hope will draw in the kind of sugar daddy you’re interested in meeting. To stand out, be concise and witty in your answers. I once went on a first date with a sugar baby who said her favorite band was The Wayouts, a fictitious group that appeared on one episode of The Flintstones. It was an unexpected response to the question, but it left a lasting impression.
You don’t sound like the type of woman who’s just looking to show off what you’ve got and what you want. You sound like you want more, like a sugar daddy you can connect with on many levels. So, let him know, in a clever way, why he deserves to meet you.