How Do I Break Up with My Sugar Daddy When He Won’t Let Me Go?

QUESTION: I need to end things with my sugar daddy. It’s been over a year and I want to move on with some­one new, but he just can’t let things go and I really don’t want to hurt him because he’s a good guy. He knew from day one that I wasn’t look­ing for a com­mit­ted relationship—that’s why I wanted a sugar daddy, not a boyfriend or hus­band. But every time I try to end the rela­tion­ship, he’ll guilt me into stay­ing with him, whether it’s with gifts or emo­tional black­mail. How do I end things with my sugar daddy once and for all?

CHELSEA SAYS: If you want to break up with your sugar daddy, you have to start being more firm about it. It sounds like you’ve been tak­ing a more gen­tle approach, which is awfully nice of you, but he’s clearly not get­ting it. Plus, your sugar daddy knows that he can manip­u­late you into doing what he wants—in this case, stay­ing with him—because it’s worked pretty well for him so far.

If your sugar daddy is emo­tion­ally black­mail­ing you to stay with him, it prob­a­bly has more to do with his need for power and con­trol than with his feel­ings for you. It’s not that he doesn’t care about you—I’m sure he does—but his prob­lem is that he doesn’t want to be the dumpee because it’s a shot to his ego. That’s why you need to be direct and stick to your guns.

Once you tell your sugar daddy that you want out, end all con­tact with him—no phone calls, no e-mails, noth­ing. That also means no gifts; so if he tries to get you to stay by buy­ing you some­thing fancy and expen­sive, don’t take it. If he tries to make you feel bad for want­ing to break up with him, don’t react. If the sit­u­a­tion gets out of con­trol, make sure you have the means to leave—so drive your­self to the meet­ing place or have a friend wait for you. As long as you stand by your deci­sion to break up, your sugar daddy will even­tu­ally get the hint.

Remem­ber, it’s never a good idea to stay in a rela­tion­ship, be it with a sugar daddy or a boyfriend, out of guilt. It’ll even­tu­ally take its toll on both the rela­tion­ship and on you, and you should never do any­thing you don’t want to do when it comes to your sugar daddy.

TRENT SAYS: What’s so wrong with hurt­ing his feel­ings? There is always an emo­tional com­po­nent to any rela­tion­ship, and when it comes to an end, there are going to be hurt feel­ings. It’s unavoid­able. And when it comes to break­ing up, the one end­ing the rela­tion­ship is always going to look like the “bad person.”

But really, what’s worse: hurt­ing someone’s feel­ings in the short-term because you don’t want to be with him any­more, or stay­ing in a rela­tion­ship you don’t want to be in just because you think his feel­ings are more impor­tant than yours? In other words, you can either live your life for your sugar daddy, or for yourself.

For starters, it’s not a real sur­prise to hear that a sugar daddy is try­ing to guilt a sugar baby into stay­ing with gifts. Hope­fully you can see the gifts at this stage of the rela­tion­ship for what they are—a measly way of say­ing, “Thank you for giv­ing up who you are to accom­mo­date me,” when he won’t afford you the same courtesy.

It’s also not a sur­prise to hear that your sugar daddy is emo­tion­ally black­mail­ing you as well. After all, if he can’t con­trol you with money, he’ll try and con­trol you by manip­u­lat­ing the way you feel about your­self. Clearly, he thinks he knows you bet­ter than you know your­self. And clearly, he’s mis­taken. He also doesn’t have your best inter­ests at heart. If he did, he’d want you to be happy, even if that means break­ing up with him.

The best way to end it with your sugar daddy is to tell him that it’s over and cease all com­mu­ni­ca­tion. Don’t answer the phone, respond to e-mails, or accept any gifts or money. Your long-term hap­pi­ness is worth the short-term incon­ve­nience he’ll experience.