QUESTION: I need to end things with my sugar daddy. It’s been over a year and I want to move on with someone new, but he just can’t let things go and I really don’t want to hurt him because he’s a good guy. He knew from day one that I wasn’t looking for a committed relationship—that’s why I wanted a sugar daddy, not a boyfriend or husband. But every time I try to end the relationship, he’ll guilt me into staying with him, whether it’s with gifts or emotional blackmail. How do I end things with my sugar daddy once and for all?
CHELSEA SAYS: If you want to break up with your sugar daddy, you have to start being more firm about it. It sounds like you’ve been taking a more gentle approach, which is awfully nice of you, but he’s clearly not getting it. Plus, your sugar daddy knows that he can manipulate you into doing what he wants—in this case, staying with him—because it’s worked pretty well for him so far.
If your sugar daddy is emotionally blackmailing you to stay with him, it probably has more to do with his need for power and control than with his feelings for you. It’s not that he doesn’t care about you—I’m sure he does—but his problem is that he doesn’t want to be the dumpee because it’s a shot to his ego. That’s why you need to be direct and stick to your guns.
Once you tell your sugar daddy that you want out, end all contact with him—no phone calls, no e-mails, nothing. That also means no gifts; so if he tries to get you to stay by buying you something fancy and expensive, don’t take it. If he tries to make you feel bad for wanting to break up with him, don’t react. If the situation gets out of control, make sure you have the means to leave—so drive yourself to the meeting place or have a friend wait for you. As long as you stand by your decision to break up, your sugar daddy will eventually get the hint.
Remember, it’s never a good idea to stay in a relationship, be it with a sugar daddy or a boyfriend, out of guilt. It’ll eventually take its toll on both the relationship and on you, and you should never do anything you don’t want to do when it comes to your sugar daddy.
TRENT SAYS: What’s so wrong with hurting his feelings? There is always an emotional component to any relationship, and when it comes to an end, there are going to be hurt feelings. It’s unavoidable. And when it comes to breaking up, the one ending the relationship is always going to look like the “bad person.”
But really, what’s worse: hurting someone’s feelings in the short-term because you don’t want to be with him anymore, or staying in a relationship you don’t want to be in just because you think his feelings are more important than yours? In other words, you can either live your life for your sugar daddy, or for yourself.
For starters, it’s not a real surprise to hear that a sugar daddy is trying to guilt a sugar baby into staying with gifts. Hopefully you can see the gifts at this stage of the relationship for what they are—a measly way of saying, “Thank you for giving up who you are to accommodate me,” when he won’t afford you the same courtesy.
It’s also not a surprise to hear that your sugar daddy is emotionally blackmailing you as well. After all, if he can’t control you with money, he’ll try and control you by manipulating the way you feel about yourself. Clearly, he thinks he knows you better than you know yourself. And clearly, he’s mistaken. He also doesn’t have your best interests at heart. If he did, he’d want you to be happy, even if that means breaking up with him.
The best way to end it with your sugar daddy is to tell him that it’s over and cease all communication. Don’t answer the phone, respond to e-mails, or accept any gifts or money. Your long-term happiness is worth the short-term inconvenience he’ll experience.