How Do I Get My Older Man to Dye His White Hair Without Offending Him?

QUESTION: Last year I mar­ried my boyfriend, who’s about 19 year older than me. He’s just started sport­ing white hair and when I sug­gested he tries dying it, he totally freaked out on me. I think he’s incred­i­bly attrac­tive, espe­cially for an older man, but I think he would look even bet­ter if he cov­ered up the grays. How do I bring it up again with­out mak­ing him angry?

CHELSEA SAYS: I don’t blame your older man for get­ting offended. How would you like it if he came to you one day and said, “Honey, I love you, but you’ve put on a few extra pounds since we got mar­ried. Do you mind hit­ting the gym?” I’m will­ing to bet you would be pretty peeved.

You entered into mar­riage with this man know­ing very well that he was, well, older. You knew that he would age faster than you because he’s got an almost two-decade head start. The last thing you want to do, as his younger wife, is make him feel old. Like you said, he’s still an attrac­tive man and going gray can be a really good look for him. Think George Clooney or Pierce Brosnan—they’re both rock­ing gray strands and are still as gor­geous as ever. Now, if your older man is all of a sud­den let­ting him­self go and doesn’t style his hair as much as he used to, that’s a dif­fer­ent story.

If you’re really not feel­ing your man’s new sil­ver fox look, here’s some­thing to try. Book a day for both of you at the spa. Enjoy a relax­ing couple’s mas­sage, get a man­i­cure (a manly one for him, of course), and then fin­ish it off by spend­ing some time with a hairstylist—both of you, not just your older man. Get the styl­ist to sug­gest ideas for your man’s gray hair, whether it’s work­ing with salt and pep­per strands or dying it all back to a darker shade. When the sug­ges­tions are com­ing from a pro­fes­sional styl­ist, it will be eas­ier for your older man to digest—to him, it’s the pro­fes­sional opin­ion of a style expert ver­sus a per­sonal attack from his wife.

If you try some­thing new with your hair too, like a dif­fer­ent cut or high­lights, he’ll see it as some­thing you’re doing together, as opposed to some­thing you’re mak­ing him do.

  • dirkjo­han­son

    Don’t worry about offend­ing him; just tell him to do it or he isn’t get­ting any booty. So what if he’s offended?

  • KalianaDi­et­rich

    You have already insulted him, so it is going to take some re-building of his ego to win him over. While you are out in pub­lic com­ment about how he turns the head of some attrac­tive women say­ing things like “Did you see that? She was star­ing at your bum.” and “Wow that woman just turned around to get a sec­ond look at you”. When you have his ego rebuilt, use one of the online sites that will show him how he would look with dif­fer­ent col­ors. Remark how the darker shade brings out the sparkle in his sexy eyes. He will come around.