QUESTION: I’m a 45-year-old man with my own business and I have been dating a younger woman for a couple of months now. We met at a mutual friend’s housewarming party and we get along really well—I can definitely see long-term potential with her, but I don’t want to just end up being her sugar daddy. I’m looking for someone I can settle down with. She’s got a pretty good career herself, but I make quite a bit more than she does. How do I know for sure that she isn’t just with me for my money?
TRENT SAYS: There are a lot of different types of sugar daddy arrangements and expectations. Some sugar daddies and sugar babies want the classic, fun, no-strings-attached kind of relationship that will eventually run its course.
There are also those sugar daddies and sugar babies who have no issue getting emotionally involved with each other. For him, finding a young, attractive woman is just the beginning, and for her, finding a financially stable, ambitious man is the starting point.
Then there are times when it can get complicated. If a sugar baby gets too attached, then it’s best for the sugar daddy to remind her of how they met and what the expectations are. Same goes for the reverse: a sugar baby should remind a sugar daddy about their non-committed relationship. However, at this point, the relationship is done because one party has crossed the line. It’s best to end it as quickly as possible.
I’m not sure what kind of boundaries you set up when you started dating this younger woman.
On the one hand, you can never really know for a fact that she isn’t just with you for the money. If she told you that she only dates tall men, would you be concerned that she’s just dating you because you’re tall? I get that finances and height are different issues, but the fact remains, we’re all attracted to each other for different reasons. For some, finances are just a springboard. For others, that’s all there is.
On the other hand, you say she has a “pretty good career herself.” So, it sounds to me like maybe she’s not really looking for a sugar daddy per se, so much as looking for someone mature and financially stable that she can find herself on the same page with.
Hopefully, you’ve been listening to your younger woman while you’ve been dating, and you know what kind of person she is and what she’s looking for in both the short and long term. At the end of the day, a May-December relationship is just like any other intimate relationship, in that you’ll eventually figure out if this person is with you for the right reasons. Trust your gut feeling, but don’t read too much into everything.