How Do I Take My Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby Relationship to the Next Level?

QUESTION: I met this older guy at a bar and we hit it off right away. We went on a few dates and there was a lot of great chemistry—there still is. He’s in his mid 40s and had spent most of his life build­ing his busi­ness. So, now that he has the money to sit back and enjoy life, he says he just wants to have fun. I never thought of myself as a sugar baby, but that’s kind of where the rela­tion­ship went, and I was fine with that because that’s what I thought I wanted too. But it’s been a cou­ple months now, and, even though I love hav­ing him as my sugar daddy, I’ve real­ized that I want more out of this rela­tion­ship. How do I approach this with­out los­ing him?

CHELSEA SAYS: There’s no easy way out of this one—you need to just tell your sugar daddy how you feel about your rela­tion­ship. How­ever, there’s no telling which way it will go. On the one hand, he may turn around and tell you straight-up that he has no inter­est in tak­ing your rela­tion­ship to the next level because, after all, he told you from the very begin­ning that that’s not what he was look­ing for. On the other hand, he might sur­prise you.

Have you and your sugar daddy ever dis­cussed the dynam­ics of your sugar daddy/sugar baby rela­tion­ship? Because I think the out­come really depends on that. If you’re already spend­ing all your free time together, and you’re already hav­ing sex, and you know that he’s not see­ing any other women since he’s been with you, then what would tak­ing your rela­tion­ship to the next level really entail? That would be some­thing that you and your sugar daddy should dis­cuss, assum­ing he’s open to the idea.

For your own sake, though, be pre­pared for the worst. If your sugar daddy tells you he’s not inter­ested in any­thing more than a sugar baby, then cut your losses—end it ami­ca­bly and part ways. If you stay in this dead-end rela­tion­ship know­ing that you want more and he doesn’t, you’re never going to be happy. So why waste your time by delay­ing the inevitable? You may as well focus your energy on find­ing a man who’s more suited to what you’re look­ing for in a relationship.

Being a sugar baby can be fun, but it can also run its course. I know plenty of younger sugar babies who, after enjoy­ing the lifestyle for a few years, real­ize that they’re now ready to set­tle down and enjoy a more tra­di­tional rela­tion­ship. And there’s noth­ing wrong with that!

TRENT SAYS: Sugar baby/sugar daddy rela­tion­ships can get com­pli­cated when emo­tions are involved. Chances are you had a chat in the early stages and came to some sort of arrange­ment about what the rela­tion­ship would be like with regards to bound­aries, expec­ta­tions, and that sort of thing.

If your sugar daddy is just in it for fun—and you’ll know whether he is or not—then there’s a good chance he’ll remind you of how you met and what the expec­ta­tions are, much like you would do for him if the tables were turned.

On the other hand, there are sugar dad­dies out there for whom get­ting emo­tion­ally involved is a risk they’re will­ing to take. For a lot of sugar dad­dies, find­ing a young attrac­tive woman is just the begin­ning. After all, he wouldn’t be with a par­tic­u­lar sugar baby if they didn’t share sim­i­lar inter­ests and such. And he prob­a­bly wouldn’t be with a par­tic­u­lar sugar baby if he thought she was only in it for the money. So, it seems nat­ural that he could take it to the next level.

It’s like any rela­tion­ship really. If there is an emo­tional dis­con­nect or diverg­ing expec­ta­tions between part­ners, you address it sooner rather than later because, in the end, you need to know that you’re with a per­son who wants to be with you for the same rea­sons. Oth­er­wise, you’re just wast­ing each other’s time.