QUESTION: I met this older guy at a bar and we hit it off right away. We went on a few dates and there was a lot of great chemistry—there still is. He’s in his mid 40s and had spent most of his life building his business. So, now that he has the money to sit back and enjoy life, he says he just wants to have fun. I never thought of myself as a sugar baby, but that’s kind of where the relationship went, and I was fine with that because that’s what I thought I wanted too. But it’s been a couple months now, and, even though I love having him as my sugar daddy, I’ve realized that I want more out of this relationship. How do I approach this without losing him?
CHELSEA SAYS: There’s no easy way out of this one—you need to just tell your sugar daddy how you feel about your relationship. However, there’s no telling which way it will go. On the one hand, he may turn around and tell you straight-up that he has no interest in taking your relationship to the next level because, after all, he told you from the very beginning that that’s not what he was looking for. On the other hand, he might surprise you.
Have you and your sugar daddy ever discussed the dynamics of your sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship? Because I think the outcome really depends on that. If you’re already spending all your free time together, and you’re already having sex, and you know that he’s not seeing any other women since he’s been with you, then what would taking your relationship to the next level really entail? That would be something that you and your sugar daddy should discuss, assuming he’s open to the idea.
For your own sake, though, be prepared for the worst. If your sugar daddy tells you he’s not interested in anything more than a sugar baby, then cut your losses—end it amicably and part ways. If you stay in this dead-end relationship knowing that you want more and he doesn’t, you’re never going to be happy. So why waste your time by delaying the inevitable? You may as well focus your energy on finding a man who’s more suited to what you’re looking for in a relationship.
Being a sugar baby can be fun, but it can also run its course. I know plenty of younger sugar babies who, after enjoying the lifestyle for a few years, realize that they’re now ready to settle down and enjoy a more traditional relationship. And there’s nothing wrong with that!
TRENT SAYS: Sugar baby/sugar daddy relationships can get complicated when emotions are involved. Chances are you had a chat in the early stages and came to some sort of arrangement about what the relationship would be like with regards to boundaries, expectations, and that sort of thing.
If your sugar daddy is just in it for fun—and you’ll know whether he is or not—then there’s a good chance he’ll remind you of how you met and what the expectations are, much like you would do for him if the tables were turned.
On the other hand, there are sugar daddies out there for whom getting emotionally involved is a risk they’re willing to take. For a lot of sugar daddies, finding a young attractive woman is just the beginning. After all, he wouldn’t be with a particular sugar baby if they didn’t share similar interests and such. And he probably wouldn’t be with a particular sugar baby if he thought she was only in it for the money. So, it seems natural that he could take it to the next level.
It’s like any relationship really. If there is an emotional disconnect or diverging expectations between partners, you address it sooner rather than later because, in the end, you need to know that you’re with a person who wants to be with you for the same reasons. Otherwise, you’re just wasting each other’s time.