How Do I Tell My Older Man What I Like In Bed?

dating_a_sugar_daddy_september18_13QUESTION: I’m not say­ing that the sex is bad—it’s good—but I know it could be bet­ter, way bet­ter. Is it OK to tell my part­ner what I like in bed? How do I tell him with­out offend­ing him or mak­ing him feel like I haven’t been enjoy­ing the sex till now?

CHELSEA SAYS: Let me start by telling you one impor­tant thing. It doesn’t mat­ter if he’s been with two women or 52—every woman is dif­fer­ent, so expe­ri­ence doesn’t always mean mas­tery when it comes to sex.

You should def­i­nitely tell your part­ner what you like in bed. How else will the sex get bet­ter? As nice as it would be for him to be able to read your mind, he can’t. In fact, I’m will­ing to bet that he would actu­ally appre­ci­ate you telling him what you like when you’re get­ting down and dirty. The more sat­is­fied you are, the bet­ter he’ll feel, too. A mature man will be open to hear­ing what you like dur­ing sex and are smart enough to not take it per­son­ally; they under­stand that you’re only telling them to enhance both of your sex­ual pleasure.

With regards to how to tell him what you like, it’s really all in the word­ing. You’re not point­ing out what he’s doing wrong dur­ing sex, you’re sim­ply telling him what else would work for you. The last thing you want to do is destroy his ego by belit­tling his sex skills. The trick is to give your part­ner sub­tle point­ers. If he’s doing some­thing dur­ing sex that works for you, then tell him that you like it and that it feels good so that he knows to keep doing it. If he’s doing some­thing that’s not really work­ing for you, then say some­thing like, “This feels good, but slower would feel even bet­ter.” You can even offer to show him how you like it—most guys won’t turn down a free demo.

TRENT SAYS: Is it OK to tell your part­ner what you want in bed? I’d say it’s imper­a­tive! I’d like to say, if the tables were turned, you would want to know what he likes in bed, but then men really aren’t all that com­pli­cated to fig­ure out, at least when it comes to sex. Sure, we’re par­tial to some moves more than oth­ers, but for the most part, we’re light switches.

Keep in mind that your part­ner wants to make every attempt to please you on every con­ceiv­able level, be it emo­tion­ally or phys­i­cally. It’s quite clear that at this point, he isn’t pleas­ing you sexually—if he was, you’d never have to ask.

When it comes to awak­en­ing and even dis­cov­er­ing the sex­ual nuances that make a woman sing in the bed­room, it takes a bit of effort. Over the years, I’m sure he’s learned a large num­ber of dif­fer­ent sex­ual posi­tions and has mem­o­rized the geog­ra­phy of a woman’s body, but he needs help with your nuances.

Sex is the great­est phys­i­cal plea­sure we can expe­ri­ence. You want to enjoy hav­ing sex as much as he does. If you think he’s OK with you giv­ing him a lit­tle direc­tion, be blunt. You can either tell him what you like, or, con­versely, show him what you like. Guys are visual; we like to watch and learn.

If you don’t think he would be recep­tive to direc­tion, you could be more sub­tle. If some­thing is work­ing, tell him you love when he does “that.” On the other hand, instead of telling him you don’t like some­thing flat out, you can always rephrase it to sound pos­i­tive. For exam­ple, “Yeah, like that, but just move your fin­ger over a lit­tle to the left and a lit­tle faster.”

Whether you tell us what you like, or we think we’ve fig­ured it out for our­selves; ulti­mately, guys just want to know we are pleas­ing our women in bed. And the more we learn about you between the sheets, the hap­pier we’ll both be.