How I (Sort Of) Gave Up My Sugar Baby Ways For My Husband

I sat across the room from my ther­a­pist, tis­sue in hand. The guilt of my affair was chew­ing at my soul. I des­per­ately needed to know if I should tell my hus­band about my affair with Der­rick, or if I should keep it a secret. As usual, the ther­a­pist that she was, refused to give me answers. The only thing she could say was that I needed to make sure I had made the right choice and that either way, some­one would be hurt. If I told my hus­band about the affair, I would hurt him deeply, and it was up to him whether to stay or leave, poten­tially hurt­ing me in return. If I didn’t tell my hus­band about the affair, I would suf­fer with the guilt for the rest of my life, but poten­tially save my mar­riage. I ended up choos­ing the lat­ter, sort of.

In my mar­i­tal dilemma, I could not just ignore and for­get about my sweet Der­rick. For years, he had been a part of my life, whether it was as a boyfriend, fiancé, mar­ried lover, ex, or friend. He was a part of my life that I cher­ished and yearned for. My body craved his pres­ence and it was dif­fi­cult to imag­ine my life with­out him.

When I went home to my hus­band, I told him par­tial truths. I let him know that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life and that I had lied to him about not hav­ing had con­tact with my ex, Der­rick. I told Robert that if we were going to work on our mar­riage, he would have to accept that Der­rick would always be my friend. I needed him in my life sim­ply because he had been such a big part of it. It took a few hours for him to come to terms with it but he han­dled it well. In the three months that I had spent work­ing on myself, Robert had started going to ther­apy as well. He was attend­ing anger man­age­ment classes and was doing some self-healing of his own. He was very dis­ap­pointed to hear that I needed Der­rick in my life, but he said he would accept it as long as I was always hon­est with him. Whether it was that I was tex­ting him or going to din­ner with him, Robert wanted to know. And sex, of course, was off lim­its. I agreed.

When I broke the news to Der­rick that I was going back to my hus­band, he was crushed. In his heart, he had wished that I would pick him. For a while, I hon­estly thought I would. But there was some­thing about my vow to my hus­band that would not allow me to pick any­one but him. I made my bound­aries very clear: either we’re pla­tonic friends or not friends at all. He chose to be friends with­out benefits.

At the start of our pla­tonic friend­ship, Der­rick would send me dirty pic­tures and would try to rem­i­nisce about our past sex adven­tures, but I always let him down easy. I was deter­mined to have both men in my life, while always hon­or­ing my promise to my hus­band. And so it was. I was mar­ried to my hus­band and had a great friend on the side.

Every birth­day, Der­rick and I meet up for din­ner and every year he buys me an expen­sive gift. My hus­band has got­ten used to it, although he still does not approve. For the most part, I have been good since our arrange­ment was cre­ated. For the most part, I am hon­or­ing my vow to my hus­band. But like a moth that can’t stay away from the light, I can’t stay away from Der­rick. I guess at the end of the day, I enjoy­ing play­ing with fire.

  • L.S.

    I feel so sorry for your hus­band. Oh how hor­ri­ble it must be to be mar­ried to an imma­ture woman who can’t get her pri­or­i­ties straight.

  • Jarred Yates

    what a snake. kill it with fire