How My Affair with a Rich Older Man Ruined What Should Have Been the Happiest Day of My Life

Christ­mas morn­ing I woke up feel­ing very ill. I had been feel­ing ill for a few days and had decided it was time I make a doctor’s appoint­ment. While I brushed my teeth, I real­ized my period was late. I rushed to the kitchen to grab my phone. When I looked at my app I real­ized that I was one week late. I anx­iously headed back to the bath­room and took a preg­nancy test.

As I waited for the answer a sense of trep­i­da­tion rushed through my body. If it turned out that I was preg­nant, I was unsure as to whom the baby would belong to—looking through my cal­en­dar, I real­ized that I had sex with both my lover, Der­rick, and my hus­band, Robert, around the same time. The time­line meant that either one could have impreg­nated me. When I looked at the test, it said “Pos­i­tive” and I was devastated.

This was the moment I had waited for, for months. My hus­band and I had been try­ing so hard to have a baby and I had been fully com­mit­ted to the idea. Now that it finally hap­pened, I wasn’t even sure if it was my husband’s. After every­thing that had occurred in the past few weeks, I could not bear the thought of telling my hus­band that the baby might not even be his. When I real­ized that it may very well be Derrick’s, I pan­icked even more. While he too wanted a baby, I knew it was a pre­pos­ter­ous idea to leave my hus­band and raise a baby with a man who was more like a grand­fa­ther than a father.

As all the thoughts crossed through my head, tears began to flood my eyes. The real­iza­tion of my stu­pid­ity hit and I began to cry out loud. Every­thing I had dreamed about and wanted was twisted by my affair. I had made a fiasco of my life and was now pay­ing for it with my pain.

I grabbed the preg­nancy test and stuffed it in my bra. I wiped my tears away and went to the bed­room and put my jog­ging suit on. I told my hus­band I would be going for a run and that I would make him break­fast when I got back. He grabbed me and kissed me good­bye. He smiled and told me that he loved me. I turned quickly, as I did not want him to see me tear up. I had caused him enough harm. I could not cause any more.

When I got out­side, I ran to the dump­ster nearby and tossed the test in. Mil­lions of thoughts crossed my mind. I real­ized that I could have a pater­nity test. It would be the end all to my trou­bles. I would have to get a DNA sam­ple from both men while they were sleep­ing. Since they were both heavy sleep­ers, I knew the task would be easy. And then it hit me. What would I say if they woke up? And worse, what if it was Derrick’s? We had talked about chil­dren a long time ago, and although he said he wouldn’t mind chil­dren, in that moment I knew I didn’t want it to be his. The odds cir­cled my head over and over. My hus­band and I had been try­ing for months and months with no result. And now that I had had unpro­tected sex with Der­rick, I was preg­nant. I wasn’t sure if it was a coin­ci­dence or if it was luck. My heart was bro­ken. I was preg­nant and I didn’t want to be.

  • schmin­guss

    Maybe you should tell your hus­band. Maybe he’d be ok with being a chump and rais­ing some other guy’s kid…

  • Alia

    You will do what women have done for thou­sands of years. You will shut up and riase the baby as your hus­bands. And don’t do that DNA test. You really don’t want to know.

  • truth

    Wow, this is pathetic. Like, just straight pathetic. I don’t wish neg­a­tive things upon peo­ple, but I don’t wish well for this woman either.

    You aren’t in love with some­one if you have a “lover” on the side…NO rela­tion­ship that is good “some­times” or has “some aspects ful­filled” is true love. Whether it’s just sex­u­ally or not, if you need another per­son in your life to fill cer­tain voids, espe­cially if you are lying and hid­ing it from your “part­ner”, you truly are NOT in love with that partner.

    That’s the stop­ping point right there. Real­ize that shit, and that you have NO right being with your cur­rent hus­band. Maybe you can work things out with your “lover”, or bet­ter yet, maybe you can do some alone time and self explo­ration to see WHY you’ve cheated/lied, why you’re OK with lies per­me­at­ing your rela­tion­ship, and what you TRULY want and need, and hope­fully you can find it by being HONEST and TRUE.

    But god damn…that com­ment by Alia is heart­break­ing. If you “shut up and raise the baby as your hus­band”, just because “women have done it for thou­sands of years”, than you are NO bet­ter than a man who uses a pros­ti­tute or RAPES a woman and jus­ti­fies it as “well, peo­ple have been doing it for­ever, so what­ever…”. MURDER has been here for thou­sands of years. Doesn’t stop at ALL how hor­ri­ble it is, and the neg­a­tive effects it spreads through humanity.

    The only thing you should do is be hon­est and true. First with your­self, then with every­thing else. You WILL lose a lot, and deserv­ingly — you HAD a lot and TOOK a lot, DISHONESTLY, so it WILL end. But the only way to sal­vage your excuse of a “love life” is to actu­ally let go of all your assump­tions and bull­shit and lies, and focus on what LOVE truly is about — hon­esty, con­nec­tion, ful­fill­ment, and joy.