How My Marriage Changed When My Family Moved In with My Much Older Husband’s Parents: Part 1

Me and my older hus­band, Kee­gan, now had two young kids together and decided it was time to sell our own indi­vid­ual homes and buy our own cus­tom dream house together. This process included mov­ing in with his par­ents, an idea that I was less than thrilled about, because I could not—and still cannot—stand his mother. Till today, she still makes my skin crawl.

Our mar­riage had a lot of stresses and fights because of his par­ents. And then to move in so they were on top of us—even if it was temporarily—was just a flat-out bad move alto­gether. It helped finan­cially, because we did not have to pay rent, but it seri­ously affected our rela­tion­ship with each other and our kids.

My house sold quickly, but Keegan’s house sold even faster. We signed the agree­ment to build our new home in the begin­ning of April and we were able to move in by the begin­ning of Decem­ber. We ended up liv­ing with his par­ents for a total of one year and four months. Despite every­thing we had been through already, this was by far the hard­est part of our mar­riage. My husband’s knee jerk reac­tion was/is to always defend his mom and dad instead of his wife. This is still a very sore issue in our mar­riage today.

About six months after mov­ing in, my doc­tors deter­mined that I would need to have a par­tial hys­terec­tomy to resolve the pain that I had since our younger daughter’s birth. This was dev­as­tat­ing, because it would mean that we could never have any more kids like we planned to. In a way, it felt like I was being robbed of my wom­an­hood, and the over­all thought of need­ing yet another major surgery was absolutely daunt­ing. But, I have to admit that I would never have made it through with­out Keegan.

Because of the way the ben­e­fit year fell at work, the surgery had to be delayed until Jan­u­ary 2013. This time around, surgery laid me com­pletely out. It was the hard­est surgery I ever had. I strug­gled phys­i­cally, emo­tion­ally, and men­tally to feel like an attrac­tive woman again. I strug­gled with menopause at 26 years old.

I also strug­gled sex­u­ally; I just couldn’t be aroused or reach an orgasm. At one point, I remem­ber telling Kee­gan to just divorce me, because it was all too much. Here I was at 26 going through what most 50-year-old women expe­ri­ence. Although with our big age dif­fer­ence, at least we were on the same page with the phys­i­cal ailments.

Between the fight­ing with his fam­ily and the dis­ap­pear­ing act of our sex life, it just didn’t seem fair to either of us to con­tinue on with our mar­riage. But Kee­gan dis­agreed and stood by my side—he never even flinched. He chose not to take a lover, and instead, said he was sat­is­fied with what­ever help I could pro­vide him sex­u­ally. It was much harder for me than he ini­tially real­ized though, because I could not get aroused at all after surgery for quite some time.

It was dur­ing this time that an old flame, Brian, came back into the picture—this was the man that I had had an affair with just a cou­ple weeks before I mar­ried Kee­gan. I just needed some­one who was on my side to talk to and con­fide in, and he was there for me. Brian had moved to Min­nesota, but although we couldn’t see each other face-to-face, we talked every sin­gle day. Big mistake…

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About Vivian

I am 26 and my husband 45. At first, our friendship existed mostly online. I was actually helping my now husband with his dating profile when it dawned on me that he was exactly what I was looking for in a perfect life partner. So, I asked him out and we have been together ever since. We now have two daughters together and everyone that knows us will tell you that they simply can’t imagine us apart, and neither can we. I’m no stranger to May-December relationships—my father was 71 and my mother was 33 when I was born. I have never dated a guy my own age. Anything less than 10 years older than me just seems wrong, and frankly, it doesn’t even turn me on in the slightest bit to think about it. It’s actually a turn-off. After going through relationships with a few rich older men, I finally settled down with my husband. I’m sure there were people waging bets on how quickly our marriage would fall apart, but we’re determined to prove them all wrong.