In this economy, it’s becoming more and more evident that people are moving out of their parents’ house much later than before. That means you still have to deal with the nagging, the complaining, the rules, and no privacy. The first few issues can be tolerated, but the privacy aspect can really get annoying, especially when it comes to dating. This then begs the question, how do you bring a girl home when you still live with your parents?
So let’s say you’re out with the guys on a Saturday night, you’ve had a few drinks, and you spot this gorgeous girl across the bar. You head over with all the confidence in the world and buy her a drink. One thing leads to another and you find your tongue down her throat; needless to say, things are looking good. And then she asks that beautiful question—“Can we go back to your place?” Your answer is extremely crucial, because it will make or break your chances with this woman. So what do you do?
1. Tell her it’s your place. Just say, “Of course we can go back to my place.” It technically is your place, too, so you haven’t lied about anything yet. Then on the way to your house, tell her that your parents are staying with you for a while, just because they’re getting older and you want to be able to help them out. This is one of the safest lies you can tell. She’ll eat all that sensitivity up and it’ll make your night even better.
2. Take Her Downstairs: This one will only work if you’re coming back to the house really late. Chances are your room is upstairs along with your mom and dad’s, so rocking the sheets might actually wake them up and make for a really awkward moment. Take her to the basement; if there’s a couch down there, even better. If there isn’t, tell her you love spontaneous sex and want to take her right there and then. You don’t even have to mention the parents.
3. Cook a nice meal for her: Nothing will impress a woman more than a man who knows his way around the kitchen. If you can prepare an amazing meal just for her, she’ll be more willing to look past the fact that mommy still does your laundry and makes your lunch. In fact, if you’re lucky, she might actually take you right there at the dinner table.
4. Dodge the question. Pull the spontaneous card again. Tell her you’d rather do something crazy, like sex in a secluded park or the backseat of your car. Better yet, convince her that you two should go back to her place and bone.
5. Just be honest. The truth is going to come out eventually, especially if this becomes a regular thing. Rationalize it to her, tell her it’s temporary, and explain to her that there are five bedrooms in the house and you would hate for them to go to waste. If she’s still not buying it, come up with a sob story about how you need to take care of your father or mother and explain to her that it’s hard to show people your soft, sensitive side—even better if you can throw in some alligator tears. Before you know it, she’ll be melting in your arms and both of you are on the way back to your house.
6. Forget the parents. This one takes a little balls. Just take her and home and go at it. If your parents know what (or who) you’re doing, there’s a good chance they’re not going to walk in on it. So have a good time and deal with it in the morning. However, this probably isn’t the best move if you genuinely like this girl and see long-term potential with her.
7. Ask her to stay with you. Following my previous point, this is a tip better suited to more serious relationships. It’s a long shot and could create problems down the road, but it’s worth a shot if you really want to keep her around. Tell her to move her stuff in—you’re not going to be living there forever, so you both may as well take advantage of your parents’ generosity while you can. If things are getting serious, keep reminding her that the faster you both save money by living at home, the faster you can move out and get your own place.
Living with mom and dad can’t be that bad, what with the free rent, laundry, and food—sometimes the deal is just too sweet to pass up. We all have our pride and want bigger things for ourselves, but we know a free ride when we see one. And if you play it smart, your sex life doesn’t have to suffer because of it.