How to Convince Your Partner That You Should Start Swinging with Other Couples


My older hus­band and I had always known from the begin­ning of our mar­riage that we would even­tu­ally join the swing­ing lifestyle as a cou­ple. It was a bit of a twisted require­ment Kee­gan had set forth just before our wed­ding, and one that sort of just made sense for us.

Dur­ing my first dif­fi­cult preg­nancy, I had set my hus­band up with a woman named Anne to sat­isfy his needs. And he was with another woman, Can­dice, for basi­cally the first six months of our rela­tion­ship. And then there was Brian, whom I had sex with in the back of his pickup truck two weeks before my wed­ding. That’s a whole lot of deceit over some­thing we were both inter­ested in. We came to an agree­ment that even­tu­ally, we would actively join the swing­ing community.

Sex for us has always been great with a few lulls in between, mostly due to kids and med­ical issues—even then we were cre­atively crazy. My friends still can’t under­stand how I could have arranged a friends-with-benefits rela­tion­ship for my hus­band and with­out going entirely crazy. Aside from those times though, we have always been very adven­tur­ous in the bed­room, car, park, and even at work. It just is what it is—we like to f*ck, a lot. Not the sex specif­i­cally, but the open­ness and cre­ativ­ity, was a huge sell­ing fac­tor for my husband.

At some point, Kee­gan casu­ally sug­gested that we cre­ate a swingers dat­ing pro­file to find other cou­ples who were into the same things we were, but also to find local clubs and par­ties. His thought process was that it would help estab­lish me into the lifestyle with him, since prior to me, he had expe­ri­ence enjoy­ing the lifestyle for many years. We set up the pro­file but didn’t actively use it.

The swinger lifestyle is like this hid­den soci­ety of peo­ple from all walks of life; you just never know who you might run into and what their twisted lit­tle fan­tasy may be. Since we were set­tled into our new home and life was good again, we decided to dust off that old account and update it.

Just like a dat­ing pro­file for sin­gles, the ques­tion­naire asked us ques­tions about what we were look­ing for, what we looked like, and what our fan­tasies were—these are the three most essen­tial pieces of infor­ma­tion to make this type of dat­ing work. As a cou­ple, we really wanted our pro­file to shine, to stand out and attract the peo­ple we were most attracted to. So we took a lot of time talk­ing to each other about these three ques­tions before actu­ally post­ing any­thing. As I sat propped up in our king bed with my lap­top just think­ing out loud, Kee­gan was pack­ing his suit­case for a com­pany trip. His flight was the next morning.

What are we look­ing for?” I asked.

Kee­gan responded with a chuckle. “A Geisha to ser­vice us both on a reg­u­lar basis!” We both laughed.

That would be great, honey, but what do we really want? How should we approach this? Should we just think about what we each want, see what meshes, and go from there?” I asked naively.

Since Kee­gan is much older and there­fore more expe­ri­enced, he had been in this rodeo once or twice before. “Here is a pen and paper,” he said. “Write down every fan­tasy you’ve ever got­ten off to.”

OK, but why? And will you do the same?” I asked.

No, I just want some mate­r­ial for the trip,” he said laugh­ing as I play­fully tapped him on the arm.

I already know what I want for myself and for us as a cou­ple.” Kee­gan con­tin­ued. “I know what to expect ver­sus the real­ity of obtain­ing it with­out too much has­sle. How­ever, we as a cou­ple have never done this before, so we need to iron out how well our desires mesh indi­vid­u­ally and together. The fan­tasies you’ll be writ­ing down are just a small peek inside how we can make this work for both of us.”

I thought that made sense, so I began writ­ing. It took some time, but by the time I fin­ished, there was about a page full of fan­tasies. Kee­gan leaned in to kiss me. I quickly flipped the paper over and smiled. “We will need to dis­cuss this another time and not right before you leave for a week,” I said.

Ner­vous, Viv? It’s OK, you can tell me any­thing. You already know most of my freaky lit­tle quirks. Now it’s time we explore more of yours and allow you to evolve into the sex­ual god­dess you’re meant to be,” Kee­gan said while run­ning his fin­ger across my chest as he stood by the edge of the bed.

You’re jok­ing, right?” I quipped, before pulling him onto the bed and undo­ing his pants. The lap­top and list were shoved aside while we got busy. This was a whole new side of Kee­gan that I had rarely seen. We’ve briefly dis­cussed things through the years, but it’s never been as seri­ous as this.  His encour­ag­ing words about me con­trol­ling my own sex­ual desires were freeing—and a stark con­trast from the per­son I thought I was expected to be for him. For the longest time I had felt trapped play­ing the role of the wife, the mother, and the prude, thanks to our pre­vi­ous liv­ing arrange­ment at his par­ents’ house. To be encour­aged in such a sup­port­ing and lov­ing way really made my con­fi­dence and sex­ual appetite soar.

But all of that was about to change.

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About Vivian

I am 26 and my husband 45. At first, our friendship existed mostly online. I was actually helping my now husband with his dating profile when it dawned on me that he was exactly what I was looking for in a perfect life partner. So, I asked him out and we have been together ever since. We now have two daughters together and everyone that knows us will tell you that they simply can’t imagine us apart, and neither can we. I’m no stranger to May-December relationships—my father was 71 and my mother was 33 when I was born. I have never dated a guy my own age. Anything less than 10 years older than me just seems wrong, and frankly, it doesn’t even turn me on in the slightest bit to think about it. It’s actually a turn-off. After going through relationships with a few rich older men, I finally settled down with my husband. I’m sure there were people waging bets on how quickly our marriage would fall apart, but we’re determined to prove them all wrong.