Keegan had just given me the perfect birthday gift, and although he had spent the night and told me he loved me, I still had a feeling he wasn’t finished with dating other women. I had even asked him to be monogamous, but he never really gave me an answer.
“I love you too,” I thought to myself. “But, honestly, where is this relationship even going?” Because Keegan was sending me some very confusing signals, I decided that I would figure out exactly what was going on. I logged into the dating web site, which I had helped him create the perfect profile for, and found that it had been active recently; he had been active on the site within the last two days! I was very angry; he clearly hadn’t changed at all and was still up to his old antics. Why should I waste my time with a guy like that?
I was ready to fight. I immediately picked up my phone and sent him a text message, saying, “I would have given you everything!” I couldn’t stop crying. Lesson learned—don’t immediately jump to conclusions or text when upset. I sent a barrage of text messages to him, not hearing back from him. I finally finished with, “Please leave me alone and don’t contact me again.” And then I got ready for work.
Despite the fact that Keegan cleaned off my car, warmed it up, and even left a hot coffee inside, I was still irate. Why would he still be logging on and checking his dating site profile if he wasn’t certain I was the one for him? Because of our age difference, he was obviously still holding out for something, someone better, so I figured that I would just remove myself from the situation and let him have at it. I ignored him for another week before he showed up on my doorstep.
“Vivian, I have a really good explanation,” he said when I opened the door.
“I don’t think you do Keegan, but go ahead,” I said placing my hand on my hip and not letting him come inside.
“I was trying to figure out how to delete my profile,” he replied before asking me if I was going to invite him inside. I let out a deep sigh, and walked away from the open door, as if to say, “Do what you want.”
“And, there was another woman I was trying to end things with on a proper note,” he continued as he took two steps inside.
“I knew it,” I shot back at him. “You think just because I’m 20 years younger than you, that I’m not right for you, that our relationship wouldn’t last, when really, it’s been you all along who’s been sabotaging it. I’ve just been a total idiot waiting for you, hoping you would straighten up. Normally it’s the other way around here, so I don’t know what you want from me at this point, because I’m done. What the hell is wrong with you? Most guys in your situation wouldn’t think twice or bat an eye about being with a hot younger woman. They’d hurry up and put a ring on my finger so I couldn’t go anywhere. But no, not you,” I yelled.
“I know you are upset, but please listen? You know I was being overly cautious with you, and in fact, I confided in this other woman about you. She and I went out a few times, we talked only through the dating site, and that’s why I kept the profile. We had no connection; we were more like siblings or close friends. You and I have an amazing connection, and as I talked more to her about you, she tried harder to be like you. She tried stalking you online, started trying to dress like you from pictures on your Facebook profile.”
I was stunned, so I just stayed quiet and let him finish.
“But I do have a confession to make, and this might upset you,” he said. I braced myself for what was coming next…