How to Get the Truth Out of Your Man About His “Other Woman:” Part 1

Kee­gan had just given me the per­fect birth­day gift, and although he had spent the night and told me he loved me, I still had a feel­ing he wasn’t fin­ished with dat­ing other women. I had even asked him to be monog­a­mous, but he never really gave me an answer.

I love you too,” I thought to myself. “But, hon­estly, where is this rela­tion­ship even going?” Because Kee­gan was send­ing me some very con­fus­ing sig­nals, I decided that I would fig­ure out exactly what was going on. I logged into the dat­ing web site, which I had helped him cre­ate the per­fect pro­file for, and found that it had been active recently; he had been active on the site within the last two days! I was very angry; he clearly hadn’t changed at all and was still up to his old antics. Why should I waste my time with a guy like that?

I was ready to fight. I imme­di­ately picked up my phone and sent him a text mes­sage, say­ing, “I would have given you every­thing!” I couldn’t stop cry­ing. Les­son learned—don’t imme­di­ately jump to con­clu­sions or text when upset. I sent a bar­rage of text mes­sages to him, not hear­ing back from him. I finally fin­ished with, “Please leave me alone and don’t con­tact me again.” And then I got ready for work.

Despite the fact that Kee­gan cleaned off my car, warmed it up, and even left a hot cof­fee inside, I was still irate. Why would he still be log­ging on and check­ing his dat­ing site pro­file if he wasn’t cer­tain I was the one for him? Because of our age dif­fer­ence, he was obvi­ously still hold­ing out for some­thing, some­one bet­ter, so I fig­ured that I would just remove myself from the sit­u­a­tion and let him have at it. I ignored him for another week before he showed up on my doorstep.

Vivian, I have a really good expla­na­tion,” he said when I opened the door.

I don’t think you do Kee­gan, but go ahead,” I said plac­ing my hand on my hip and not let­ting him come inside.

I was try­ing to fig­ure out how to delete my pro­file,” he replied before ask­ing me if I was going to invite him inside. I let out a deep sigh, and walked away from the open door, as if to say, “Do what you want.”

And, there was another woman I was try­ing to end things with on a proper note,” he con­tin­ued as he took two steps inside.

I knew it,” I shot back at him. “You think just because I’m 20 years younger than you, that I’m not right for you, that our rela­tion­ship wouldn’t last, when really, it’s been you all along who’s been sab­o­tag­ing it. I’ve just been a total idiot wait­ing for you, hop­ing you would straighten up. Nor­mally it’s the other way around here, so I don’t know what you want from me at this point, because I’m done. What the hell is wrong with you? Most guys in your sit­u­a­tion wouldn’t think twice or bat an eye about being with a hot younger woman. They’d hurry up and put a ring on my fin­ger so I couldn’t go any­where. But no, not you,” I yelled.

I know you are upset, but please lis­ten? You know I was being overly cau­tious with you, and in fact, I con­fided in this other woman about you. She and I went out a few times, we talked only through the dat­ing site, and that’s why I kept the pro­file. We had no con­nec­tion; we were more like sib­lings or close friends. You and I have an amaz­ing con­nec­tion, and as I talked more to her about you, she tried harder to be like you. She tried stalk­ing you online, started try­ing to dress like you from pic­tures on your Face­book profile.”

I was stunned, so I just stayed quiet and let him finish.

But I do have a con­fes­sion to make, and this might upset you,” he said. I braced myself for what was com­ing next…