How to Keep Control Over Your Older Man, Even After He Caught You Cheating

My sugar daddy, Keith, started to ignore me again after he found out that I had been cheat­ing on him. And he still thought that I had made up the whole story about his wife hir­ing Peter to set me up in a robbery.

But I had good friends who were help­ing me through the painful breakup. It was hard, but I was cop­ing. The months had taken a toll, but I was slowly com­ing back. From time to time, Keith would call and yell hate­ful names at me, and I took it. I felt like I deserved every­thing he was say­ing, because I had acted in all the ways he had described me.

The money and every­thing else from Keith had stopped, so after months of him ter­ror­iz­ing me over the phone, I finally told him how I felt. The love that I had once felt for him was slowly turn­ing into hatred. I hated that he took Peter’s side. Keith took a com­plete stranger’s side despite know­ing me for almost four years and being inti­mate with me.

After about nine months with­out a man, I was asked on a din­ner date by a politi­cian who was sin­gle. On the night of the date, Keith called from a local num­ber and asked to see me. I told him bluntly that I was on a date and that I really didn’t feel we had any­thing to speak about, as he had made him­self quite clear over the past months. He finally told me that he had found out what really hap­pened and wanted to apologize.

I came up with an excuse to tell my din­ner date and left—I had to hear what Keith had to say. He picked me up from the restau­rant. The first ques­tion he asked was if I loved the man I had cheated on him with. I answered, “No.”

Do you love me?” he asked.

I stared boldly into his eyes and said, “No.” I told Keith that the only rea­son I was there was because I wanted to hear what he had to say. I just wanted to hear him to say that he was wrong and that I wasn’t lying. I wanted to hear him say that even though I was wrong to sleep with another man and I was wrong to get in that car, I had been set up.

Keith told me that one of his wife’s friends had encour­aged her to do it, because she had done the same to her own husband—his wife’s friend had used Peter, too. Keith apol­o­gized pro­fusely for doubt­ing me, but I told him I was ready to go home—alone. He insisted on telling me how hard it has been with her and with­out me, and that he had never stopped lov­ing me.

My heart had hard­ened. I wanted to feel for him, but I couldn’t. He had really hurt me by not believ­ing in me. He didn’t have the decency to say it was over as soon as he found out, and he knew I depended on him, so he instead he just left me high and dry. She may have been his wife, but he had told me he loved me and would never leave or put me in a posi­tion to want any­thing. And yet the last time I had seen him, he didn’t even look at me. If he really loved me, how could it have been so easy to just cut me loose?

Keith still tried to keep in touch after that last meet­ing, but the love I had for him was com­pletely gone. No mat­ter what he said, the fact of the mat­ter was that his wife essen­tially tried to have me killed and he still chose her. I resented him. I was angry.

It has now been years since Keith and I broke up. I will always be very grate­ful for what he did for me—when I needed help the most, he was there—but I could never have loved him the same or ever been inti­mate with him again.

We’ve kept in touch over the years. He had finally moved back to the Island where I lived, but it was never the same. He remained per­sis­tent for years until it became piti­ful. His advances only stopped once I finally moved off the island.