How to Know If You’re Really Arguing, or If It’s Just Because He’s Not Over His Ex

Sugar Daddy Simon Cowell Never Sacrifice

Along with being 26 years older than me, my boyfriend Bran­don had very dif­fer­ent views in life. The most cru­cial to our rela­tion­ship was our reli­gious stand­points. As a Chris­t­ian man who wanted a woman who was “equally yoked,” I was not up to par with his expec­ta­tions. Bran­don was not the kind of guy that believed that women belonged in the kitchen or that we are to be sub­mis­sive to men, but he did expect me to prac­tice what he preached and that was not OK with me.

I was not Chris­t­ian and did not plan to be any­time soon. I liked to be open to the con­cept of dif­fer­ent beliefs and all I got from Bran­don was a narrow-minded Bible thumper. Don’t get me wrong; I liked Bran­don and his faith was refresh­ing, but when he started to point the fin­ger at me, I did my best to not tell him to look in the mir­ror before he judged.

This sub­ject is a really big sore spot in our oth­er­wise happy rela­tion­ship, but it was a sit­u­a­tion that needed to be talked about and as Bran­don expressed more and more of his feel­ings for me, the more I got angry at myself.

It’s just that, Lena, I’m start­ing to have deep feel­ings for you, but I want to know that you’ll walk with me and Him. I can’t sit here and pre­tend that I’m OK with being with some­one that is not walk­ing with Jesus and at any moment can leave me if she finds some­one who has the same beliefs,” I remem­ber Bran­don telling me that night in his car.

I was so angry and tears were stream­ing down my face from the sheer anger I had in myself. “I just don’t get why you think that me being Chris­t­ian is going to change the pos­si­bil­ity of me cheat­ing on you,” I replied. “I think by now you should know the kind of per­son I am. I accept your beliefs and I wouldn’t leave you and go with some­one else because your beliefs aren’t the same as mine. And how can you say that I’m the one keep­ing you from going to church? Didn’t you ask to go tonight and I said yes?”

He looked at me and hes­i­tated on what to say next. It was the first time that Bran­don had seen me cry­ing and I knew that it was mak­ing him uncom­fort­able. But I was not the type to just scream and shout when I felt like I was being attacked; I got angry and with that, tears usu­ally fol­lowed. “I know Lena, and I appre­ci­ate that you do go, but some­times I feel like you don’t want to go and you do it just to make me happy,” said Brandon.

I don’t feel like you’re forc­ing me, and if I really didn’t want to go, I would tell you. But I do it out of con­sid­er­a­tion for you and I respect you. Trust me, if I didn’t want to go I wouldn’t,” I retorted. “And if I don’t like it, what is the big deal? I’m going to sup­port you, not to change my life.” I knew the last part was like a punch in the mouth, but at that point, I didn’t care. Here I was dat­ing this guy and it hadn’t even been a year and he wanted me to change. I prided myself in never being in a rela­tion­ship where I was being told that I wasn’t good enough and the minute Bran­don said the words, “You’re not the woman I thought you were,” it was as if he had said I wasn’t good enough.

Wow, isn’t that typ­i­cal. Just like every woman. You all know just how to make your­selves the vic­tims and turn it around on the man,” Bran­don said with an angry laugh as he shook his head.

I looked at him, sur­prised and hurt. He was again gen­er­al­iz­ing women, but this time he didn’t under­stand just how resent­ful he had sounded. This wasn’t about me being non-Christian; this stemmed from some­thing else. This was pain and hurt that Bran­don didn’t know what to make of and he didn’t know how to express it, let alone where to point it. And I had to won­der, was he even over his pre­vi­ous marriage?

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About Lena

I’d always dreamed of the perfect fairytale prince in storybooks—ready with money and status to come save me from my chaotic, average life and treat me like his princess. Add a 26-year age difference and I found the closest thing to it. Not everything comes as easy as we expect it to, but that’s what makes it all the more fun. At 18 years old, I experienced that “Mr. Right Now” love with a guy my age named Jared. Two years later, I met Brandon, my older man. Jared was the typical playboy who romanced my naïve younger self and made me fall hard for him. That relationship caused me to view love in an entirely different way than I previously had, and I’m actually glad it did. By the time I met Brandon, I had become wiser and more prepared for the reality of relationships. Even though at 20 years old I didn’t show the tell-tale signs of a smart, mature woman, that was exactly what I had become. I started as a part-time secretary for a highly respectable office, while juggling a full-time load of college courses at the local university. It was my first official job where I had to wear heels, pencil skirts, and an occasional suit. I was no longer the high-school girl that found “true love” after graduation and had her heart broken immediately after. The new woman I was now was confident and smart, and when I saw Brandon walk through the lobby door, I knew he’d be a challenge, one I was ready to accept. Now at 22, and Brandon at 48, we’ve managed to keep a two -year relationship feeling like the very first day we met—all the excitement and butterflies are still very much present.