QUESTION: I’m 21 and my sugar daddy boyfriend is in his mid 40s. He buys me expensive gifts, takes me out on fancy dates, and he even paid for our luxury three-week vacation in Italy. But I’m not only with him for his money. He’s very sweet, charming, and respectful, and I think I might be falling in love with him. The problem is that, even though he tells me that I’m the only one, I have a feeling he’s been seeing other women behind my back. How do I find out the truth?
CHELSEA SAYS: Good question, but it would help to know if he’s married and has a sugar baby (you) on the side, or if you guys are exclusive. If he’s married, it’s easy for him to cheat because he’s being discreet with you, so it’s quite possible he could be discreet with his second sugar baby. How would you know?
Have you and your sugar daddy ever discussed the relationship being exclusive? If you haven’t talked about it, then you can’t really get mad at him for scoping out other sugar babies. Unlike normal relationships, monogamy isn’t always expected with sugar daddy relationships, even if you are starting to develop real feelings for him. Yes, he’s told you that you’re the only one, but the only one what? Sugar baby? Girlfriend? Future wife?
However, if your sugar daddy does have another sugar baby or two on the side, but is intentionally keeping it from you (which it sounds like he is), then he knows that he’s doing something he shouldn’t be and that’s a red flag.
Usually, I’m all for keeping the lines of communication open, and if the circumstances were different, I would have encouraged you to ask your sugar daddy directly. But I think it’s safe to say that he doesn’t want you to know about it, so he’s obviously not going to tell you anything if you ask. Here are a few ways to try and find out if your sugar daddy is satisfying his sweet tooth somewhere else.
• Steal his phone. Snag his phone when you can, like when he’s showering or sleeping. Search through text messages, e-mails, photos, call history, and whatever else you can. And remember, you’re not only looking for unfamiliar names and numbers—it could be someone you know of, like a coworker.
• Secretive cell phone activity. This one’s pretty obvious, but if your sugar daddy leaves the room to answer calls, then eavesdrop on his conversation. If he secretly texts when he thinks you’re not looking, sneak up from behind and give him a big hug. Tell him you just felt like it, but really, you’ll be looking over his shoulder to get a sneak peek. If he immediately hides his phone screen or gets angry for sneaking up on him, that’s a red flag.
• Business trips. If your sugar daddy is all of a sudden going on business trips every other weekend, tell him that for the next one, you’re going to go with him. Even if he’s busy with work, you’ll be there waiting for him at night. You’ll be able to gauge by his reaction: is he excited, angry, or nervous about the prospect of you being there?
• Bills. Check his phone bills for long phone calls with the same number(s). Check credit card statements for large purchases that never came to you. If you never see the bills because he’s conveniently paying them from work or accessing them online when he never used to before, he might be hiding something.
• Details. If you think your sugar daddy is lying about where he was and what (or who) he was doing, just ask questions. He’ll do one of two things: dodge the questions and glaze over the details, or overcompensate by giving you too many details. If he gets really annoyed or angry when you ask nicely about his day, he’s probably getting defensive because he’s hiding something.
• Sex. Has your sex life dwindled? Try spicing things up with lingerie or role playing. If he’s still not feeling it, it could mean he doesn’t care because he’s getting it somewhere else.
• Stake out. This one’s pretty extreme, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Tell your sugar daddy you’re going out of town for a weekend with the girls. Then just keep an eye on what he’s doing while he thinks you’re away.