QUESTION: I am 35 and he is a healthy 67. We both look good and get along well, so is there anything wrong with getting close?
CHELSEA SAYS: From the sounds of it, there isn’t anything wrong with getting close to this older man. But since we don’t exactly have all of the information, there are a few things to consider here.
Are you both single? And do you know if he’s interested in much younger women; is it something you’ve talked about? May-December relationships aren’t for everyone, so you don’t want to just assume that he will be all for it. But if he isn’t married or already committed to someone, and he’s genuinely interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship with you, then by all means, give it a shot!
Have you ever been in a relationship with a much older man? If not, I can tell you that it won’t be the same as dating someone who’s closer to you in age. There’s a significant age difference between the two of you and you’re essentially from two different generations—that can pose some challenges when it comes to things like your views on marriage and kids. If this does progress into a relationship, it’s important to get these issues out in the open from the very beginning. Talk about where you both stand and what your expectations are—you and your older man both need to be on the same page and in agreement about your relationship.
You should probably also figure out what exactly you’re hesitant about. Is it the age difference? Is it what other people will think of you dating an older man? Is it that you’re unsure how he feels? That’s the issue you have to deal with before starting a relationship with this older man.
The bottom line here is that, despite the stark age difference, there’s nothing wrong with getting close to an older man if it’s something you both want. If he makes you happy, you’re attracted to him, and you can see yourself in a relationship with him, and vice versa, don’t let the age difference get in the way. Of course, you should broach the subject with him before you dive in—new relationships aren’t easy even when there isn’t an age difference—but when there’s a connection, there’s a connection.
TRENT SAYS: I might be totally biased, but there’s nothing wrong with getting close to someone older than you, emotionally or physically. You just need to be aware of any issues that may come up. Come to think of it, that goes for any relationship really.
Whether you’re in a relationship with a large age difference, or a more so-called traditional relationship, you need to find someone you are compatible with. There’s more to a successful relationship than finding someone you’re physically attracted to. Strong relationships are forged when like-minded people (personality, values, and beliefs) find each other. Some men like the idea of being with a beautiful, smart, younger woman who keeps them young at heart. Some younger women are attracted to successful, passionate, ambitious men. We are, when it comes right down to it, attracted to those we are compatible with, regardless of age.
At the same time, when it comes to physical intimacy, age is more than just a number. But it doesn’t have to be; you just have to be aware of the differences. Sex is about communication, and couples rarely communicate openly. So, to make it work, you need to talk about your expectations.
As for the idea of being with an older man, what’s more attractive: an eager, younger guy who is more concerned about getting ahead, or an outgoing, mature, and successful man who wants nothing more than to make sure both happy?
What’s wrong with getting close to an older man? Nothing! And, like any relationship, if you want it to succeed, it needs to be based on more than just physical attraction or finances.