It’s Been 2 Years and the Sex Isn’t What It Used to Be—What Happens Now? (ANSWER!)

Mick Jagger Honoring L’Wren Scott

QUESTION: Me and my older man (he’s 18 years older) have been together for just over two years now. Our May-December rela­tion­ship is great and I’m very happy with him, but our sex life just isn’t as good as it used to be. What’s hap­pen­ing? Is our rela­tion­ship in trouble?

CHELSEA SAYS: I’m guess­ing what you’re really try­ing to say is you’re not hav­ing as much sex as you used to? This is a pop­u­lar con­cern that doesn’t just apply to a May-December rela­tion­ship. I think it’s nor­mal for things to change and evolve, includ­ing the sex, as your rela­tion­ship pro­gresses. So no, I wouldn’t say that your May-December rela­tion­ship is nec­es­sar­ily in trouble.

It’s just that when you’re with some­one for so long, you get com­fort­able with each other and you stop invest­ing as much time and effort into the rela­tion­ship. It’s not that you don’t love each other or aren’t attracted to each other any­more; it’s just that you have so many other things con­nect­ing you, so sex prob­a­bly isn’t as much of a dri­ving force in your rela­tion­ship any­more and it kind of falls to the side.

Although I think it’s nor­mal for your sex life to slow down a bit, I don’t think it’s some­thing that you should sit back and give up on. Your sex life might be lag­ging right now, but it’s not like it’s gone for good. If you miss being inti­mate with your older man, then do some­thing about it. Sur­prise him one night with a sexy new piece of lin­gerie, or set up a sexy scav­enger hunt. Just get cre­ative, and remem­ber, it doesn’t have to be a spe­cial occa­sion. Noth­ing says I love you like sur­prise sex on a Mon­day night. The idea is to bring that spark back into your May-December relationship.

You didn’t men­tion exactly how old your man is, but if he’s a lot older, there’s the small pos­si­bil­ity that his sex drive just isn’t as rar­ing to go as it used to be; it can hap­pen with age. Keep in mind this is a very small pos­si­bil­ity, so my sug­ges­tion would be to address this pos­si­bil­ity as a last resort. I hon­estly think that if you just put in a bit of effort, your sex life will be just fine.

TRENT SAYS: The sex isn’t as good at it used to be or isn’t as fre­quent? Or is it a lit­tle bit of both? I’m not sure I’d say your May-December rela­tion­ship is in trou­ble. Every rela­tion­ship has its up and downs and goes through cycles. It’s not so much that your sex life is a lit­tle under­whelm­ing; it’s about how you deal with it.

Maybe your sex life just needs a tune up. Make a con­scious effort to improve your sex life. Leave it up to fate (or what­ever you call it) and chances are good that your sex life will con­tinue on the same tra­jec­tory. It takes effort to make rela­tion­ships work.

That means maybe set­ting aside more time for your sex life. Spon­ta­neous morn­ing sex is fun! It’s also fun when it’s planned out. Tell him you’re plan­ning some­thing sexy for [insert day of the week here] night and you want him to come pre­pared! That could mean spic­ing it up with some sex play, lin­gerie, a pop-rocks blow job, or you telling him what you want him to do with and to you.  You name it!

Then turn the tables and tell him you want him to plan some bed­room fun for the week­end. Same deal.  That could mean tak­ing you away for the night, buy­ing you some lin­gerie, whipped cream, a blind­fold, or cook­ing you a meal wear­ing noth­ing but an apron. Tell him to get cre­ative, because he’s in charge.