QUESTION: Me and my older man (he’s 18 years older) have been together for just over two years now. Our May-December relationship is great and I’m very happy with him, but our sex life just isn’t as good as it used to be. What’s happening? Is our relationship in trouble?
CHELSEA SAYS: I’m guessing what you’re really trying to say is you’re not having as much sex as you used to? This is a popular concern that doesn’t just apply to a May-December relationship. I think it’s normal for things to change and evolve, including the sex, as your relationship progresses. So no, I wouldn’t say that your May-December relationship is necessarily in trouble.
It’s just that when you’re with someone for so long, you get comfortable with each other and you stop investing as much time and effort into the relationship. It’s not that you don’t love each other or aren’t attracted to each other anymore; it’s just that you have so many other things connecting you, so sex probably isn’t as much of a driving force in your relationship anymore and it kind of falls to the side.
Although I think it’s normal for your sex life to slow down a bit, I don’t think it’s something that you should sit back and give up on. Your sex life might be lagging right now, but it’s not like it’s gone for good. If you miss being intimate with your older man, then do something about it. Surprise him one night with a sexy new piece of lingerie, or set up a sexy scavenger hunt. Just get creative, and remember, it doesn’t have to be a special occasion. Nothing says I love you like surprise sex on a Monday night. The idea is to bring that spark back into your May-December relationship.
You didn’t mention exactly how old your man is, but if he’s a lot older, there’s the small possibility that his sex drive just isn’t as raring to go as it used to be; it can happen with age. Keep in mind this is a very small possibility, so my suggestion would be to address this possibility as a last resort. I honestly think that if you just put in a bit of effort, your sex life will be just fine.
TRENT SAYS: The sex isn’t as good at it used to be or isn’t as frequent? Or is it a little bit of both? I’m not sure I’d say your May-December relationship is in trouble. Every relationship has its up and downs and goes through cycles. It’s not so much that your sex life is a little underwhelming; it’s about how you deal with it.
Maybe your sex life just needs a tune up. Make a conscious effort to improve your sex life. Leave it up to fate (or whatever you call it) and chances are good that your sex life will continue on the same trajectory. It takes effort to make relationships work.
That means maybe setting aside more time for your sex life. Spontaneous morning sex is fun! It’s also fun when it’s planned out. Tell him you’re planning something sexy for [insert day of the week here] night and you want him to come prepared! That could mean spicing it up with some sex play, lingerie, a pop-rocks blow job, or you telling him what you want him to do with and to you. You name it!
Then turn the tables and tell him you want him to plan some bedroom fun for the weekend. Same deal. That could mean taking you away for the night, buying you some lingerie, whipped cream, a blindfold, or cooking you a meal wearing nothing but an apron. Tell him to get creative, because he’s in charge.