QUESTION: A good friend of mine has been dating this older guy for the past few months. He seems like he really genuinely cares about her, but she just told me that she’s having an affair with another, even older man, who’s loaded and treats her to fancy dinners and shopping sprees. She asked me to cove for her, but I’m torn. I know what she’s doing isn’t right and I don’t really want any part of it, but on the other hand, she’s my friend and I feel like I should have her back. What should I do?
CHELSEA SAYS: Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Your friend obviously knows she’s doing something wrong; otherwise she wouldn’t need you to cover for her. And she’s clearly enjoying her newly discovered sugar baby lifestyle. Since it doesn’t sound like she’s willing to cut her sugar daddy loose anytime soon, have you tried talking to her about ending things with boyfriend number one? She’s clearly not very invested in that relationship anyways, and it would save all three of them a lot of grief down the line.
If she’s not willing to listen, then it’s not really fair on her part to expect you to deal with her affair, especially when she knows that you don’t agree with what she’s doing. She’s not such a good friend if she’s pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do, just for her own benefit. In other words, you might need to start making new friends.
I’m not saying that you should run to the boyfriend and tell him everything you know about your friend’s secret sugar daddy, because that would just make you a rat and that’s not cool. But tell your friend that you aren’t going to lie if he asks you. That way, you’re not getting involved unless you’re put on the spot. And if your friend knows from the get-go that you’re not going to lie to her boyfriend if the topic comes up, then she can’t get mad at you if that’s how it goes down.
Yes, your friend might be upset with you at first for not fully supporting her sugar daddy lifestyle, but if she’s really as good of a friend as you seem to believe she is, then she’ll respect your decision and take full responsibility for her affair, should her boyfriend ever figure it out—which he probably eventually will.
TRENT SAYS: Would a “good friend” really ask you to get involved in her relationship and lie for her? Would a real friend put you in an uncomfortable position and ask you to violate your own moral code just to alleviate her guilt?
Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand you wanting to “have her back,” but, as the great Irish writer Oscar Wilde said, “True friends stab you in the front.” In this case, as her friend, you need to just tell her up-front that you will not lie for her.
You can also reassure your friend that you’re not going to track her sugar daddy down and tell him that his girlfriend is a lying, cheating cad (or cadette). Just tell her that you’re not going to lie for her.
If she really is your friend, she’ll understand how uncomfortable her request is making you feel and will hopefully realize that it isn’t helping strengthen your relationship, or any relationships in her life, for that matter.