My Friend is Cheating on Her Older Man and Wants Me to Cover for Her—Should I?

QUESTION: A good friend of mine has been dat­ing this older guy for the past few months. He seems like he really gen­uinely cares about her, but she just told me that she’s hav­ing an affair with another, even older man, who’s loaded and treats her to fancy din­ners and shop­ping sprees. She asked me to cove for her, but I’m torn. I know what she’s doing isn’t right and I don’t really want any part of it, but on the other hand, she’s my friend and I feel like I should have her back. What should I do?

CHELSEA SAYS: Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Your friend obvi­ously knows she’s doing some­thing wrong; oth­er­wise she wouldn’t need you to cover for her. And she’s clearly enjoy­ing her newly dis­cov­ered sugar baby lifestyle. Since it doesn’t sound like she’s will­ing to cut her sugar daddy loose any­time soon, have you tried talk­ing to her about end­ing things with boyfriend num­ber one? She’s clearly not very invested in that rela­tion­ship any­ways, and it would save all three of them a lot of grief down the line.

If she’s not will­ing to lis­ten, then it’s not really fair on her part to expect you to deal with her affair, espe­cially when she knows that you don’t agree with what she’s doing. She’s not such a good friend if she’s pres­sur­ing you to do some­thing you don’t want to do, just for her own ben­e­fit. In other words, you might need to start mak­ing new friends.

I’m not say­ing that you should run to the boyfriend and tell him every­thing you know about your friend’s secret sugar daddy, because that would just make you a rat and that’s not cool. But tell your friend that you aren’t going to lie if he asks you. That way, you’re not get­ting involved unless you’re put on the spot. And if your friend knows from the get-go that you’re not going to lie to her boyfriend if the topic comes up, then she can’t get mad at you if that’s how it goes down.

Yes, your friend might be upset with you at first for not fully sup­port­ing her sugar daddy lifestyle, but if she’s really as good of a friend as you seem to believe she is, then she’ll respect your deci­sion and take full respon­si­bil­ity for her affair, should her boyfriend ever fig­ure it out—which he prob­a­bly even­tu­ally will.

TRENT SAYS: Would a “good friend” really ask you to get involved in her rela­tion­ship and lie for her? Would a real friend put you in an uncom­fort­able posi­tion and ask you to vio­late your own moral code just to alle­vi­ate her guilt?

Don’t get me wrong, I totally under­stand you want­ing to “have her back,” but, as the great Irish writer Oscar Wilde said, “True friends stab you in the front.” In this case, as her friend, you need to just tell her up-front that you will not lie for her.

You can also reas­sure your friend that you’re not going to track her sugar daddy down and tell him that his girl­friend is a lying, cheat­ing cad (or cadette). Just tell her that you’re not going to lie for her.

If she really is your friend, she’ll under­stand how uncom­fort­able her request is mak­ing you feel and will hope­fully real­ize that it isn’t help­ing strengthen your rela­tion­ship, or any rela­tion­ships in her life, for that matter.