QUESTION: I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two years now—he’s 17 years older than I am. He makes really good money, and he always tells me that he wants to take care of me and that I never have to worry about anything as long as I’m with him. Recently, he’s started hinting that I should quit my job, since he makes more than enough money for the both of us. I do like what I do for a living, but I also like having him to take care of me financially, and I don’t want him to think that I don’t need him. Would it be stupid to quit my job?
CHELSEA SAYS: In one word, yes—it would be pretty stupid to quit your job just because your older man is telling you to, and especially if you actually like what you do. What exactly is stopping him from packing up and moving on tomorrow? You have no guarantee that your older man—and your cash flow—will last forever. Until you have a ring on your finger, you’re not entitled to any of his money.
Before you jump the gun and quit your job, you need some type of financial security, which, I’m assuming, is one of the reasons you’re with a rich, older man in the first place. But, like I said, the money can stop tomorrow, and you’ll be done for. You may feel all happy and secure with him now, but your feelings don’t pay the bills. Money does. And even if your older man is covering the bills today, he may not be taking care of them next month. He could leave tomorrow and you’d be left with nothing.
Don’t quit unless you’re moving on to something better, something more secure. For example, if he wants you to quit so that he can buy you your own business in your own name, then that would be a smart move. If he wants you to quit so that you can sit at home, spend his money, and be there for him when he needs you, that’s seriously going to change the whole dynamic of your relationship.
TRENT SAYS: Are you this older man’s girlfriend or exclusive sugar baby? If you’re his girlfriend, then no, I wouldn’t entertain the idea of quitting. So, because he can support the two of you, he thinks it makes sense for you to quit doing something you enjoy? Why would he want you to quit a job you enjoy? If he has your best interests at heart, he’d want you to seek out a fulfilling life, even if that means making your own money.
If, on the other hand, it’s a control issue, then I can see him wanting you to loaf around the house, bored all day, waiting for his glorious return. Regardless, there are inherent risks when quitting your job. Will he be there to support you unconditionally for the rest of your life? This could easily backfire if he dumps you, leaving you with no source of income and a big employment gap on your resume.
If you’re this older man’s exclusive sugar baby, you might need to ponder the question a little more. A sugar baby/sugar daddy relationship always has expectations and boundaries. I’ll presume you were working when you two got together, which, maybe he thought was a good idea at first. Maybe he wasn’t sure if it was going to last and didn’t want you being without a source of income. Now that the sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship is on more solid footing, maybe his wanting you to quit work altogether is his not-so-subtle way of saying he wants to take the sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship to the next level. If it is, I’d want to discuss everything and know what the new boundaries and expectations are. Also talk about whether or not he’s going to provide you with some sort of safety net should things not work out. You need to make sure you’re on the same page.
Ultimately, if you’re going to accommodate his needs, he has to make sure he’s taken every precaution to accommodate yours.