Why the Sex Is So Much Better with a Man Almost Twice My Age

Let’s talk about my sex life with my older man. Sam was 46 and I was 24. By the time we got together, he had years of sex­ual expe­ri­ence “under his belt,” with his mar­riage, with extra­mar­i­tal affairs, and with using his cre­ative mind and spirit.

My young hus­band and I had never ven­tured out­side of tra­di­tional inter­course. We were both shy and inex­pe­ri­enced, and I guess we just didn’t desire to ven­ture into those waters. So imag­ine my first expe­ri­ence of it with Sam. Wow! Where had THIS been all my life? Sam knew I was new to this, so he enjoyed doing it to me and expe­ri­enc­ing my reac­tions. This was such a major part of our May-December rela­tion­ship—and so excit­ing for me—that I child­ishly kept a cal­en­dar, not­ing when it hap­pened. Years later, I looked back on that cal­en­dar and was reminded that some weeks it was a daily occur­rence. It was daily if he was not with his 11-year-old daugh­ter, with whom I had to com­pete for his time.

Sam intro­duced me to a whole new world in the bed­room. There were dil­dos, feather tick­lers, mas­sage oils, Ben Wa balls, and even “dirty” movies. There was even one night he sur­prised me by dress­ing up in skimpy under­wear and a base­ball cap, and danc­ing sen­su­ally to music in his liv­ing room—I was speech­less. Sam had the matu­rity and self-confidence to not feel “silly,” and wanted to try every­thing with me. His adven­ture­some approach to love­mak­ing helped me to learn and grow in my own sex­u­al­ity, and I learned that sex could be so much more fun and excit­ing than what I was expe­ri­enc­ing with my husband.

Nat­u­rally, we had inter­course, too, and his goal there was to one day bring me to an orgasm that would make me cry. It finally did hap­pen, while we were on a vaca­tion. What Sam didn’t know was that not all of those tears were the result of the orgasm. Half of them were tears of sad­ness, as I thought about the fact that I would never truly “have” this man, because he did not want to marry again, and cer­tainly didn’t want more chil­dren, as he’d had a vasec­tomy after his wife had their fourth child. Yet, I was still so young; all of those things should have been ahead of me.

I think that Sam’s show of prowess in the bed­room was spurred on because of our age dif­fer­ence, too. He was very pos­ses­sive of me, and by mak­ing sure I was ful­filled in this area, he reas­sured him­self that I would have no thoughts of seek­ing plea­sure from any­one else.

The prob­lem there is that, as time goes by, we come to the real­iza­tion that sex is not all we need, and while I cer­tainly had all that I wanted, he was still unable to give me what I wanted most—a sta­ble mar­riage, chil­dren, and a future that included grow­ing old with someone.

  • L.S.

    You make it sound as though the qual­ity of sex is directly related to the age of your part­ner, rather than the qual­ity of the rela­tion­ship itself and level of emo­tional inti­macy between the two of you. And if I am incor­rect on that, if the sex was “good” (or at least what you would call good) just because of his age, then was the rela­tion­ship really all that great to begin with? Either way, there are so many red flags here.
    – Red flag num­ber one. Hav­ing a lot of past sex­ual part­ners, whether they be a spouse or mis­tresses, may make one more expe­ri­enced in the mechan­ics of sex (and come on now, are affairs really a good place to gain expe­ri­ence in sex?), but it cer­tainly does not mean that those expe­ri­ences will teach a per­son to be bet­ter at being in a mean­ing­ful rela­tion­ship, i.e. lov­ing, self­less, hon­est, faith­ful, faith­ful, faith­ful, etc… and I repeat, faith­ful. Qual­ity over quan­tity.
    – Red flag num­ber two. He’s inse­cure and para­noid about your fidelity to the point of being pos­ses­sive and using sex to try to keep you from “seek­ing plea­sure from any­one else,” as you said. And you thought this man was con­fi­dent and mature… hmmm…
    – Red flag num­ber three. You never indulged in “oral plea­sure” with a man you were mar­ried to?? I’m sorry, that can’t be attrib­uted to age. My hus­band and I got mar­ried in our early 20’s and we’ve been extremely com­fort­able and con­fi­dent in bed together from the very start. News­flash: there are younger men closer to your age who pos­sess the matu­rity level to be a lov­ing spouse and to be con­fi­dent and amaz­ing in the bed­room. You just hap­pened to marry a very shy, self-conscious man, so of course just about every other man is going to seem mature and self-assured in com­par­i­son, regard­less of how old they are.

  • Angel Sierra

    I think you should con­tinue your explo­ration of all things that con­tain the object of what you so much desire. And only after you com­pleted your explo­ration, you can finally say if it was a age factor.