Let’s talk about my sex life with my older man. Sam was 46 and I was 24. By the time we got together, he had years of sexual experience “under his belt,” with his marriage, with extramarital affairs, and with using his creative mind and spirit.
My young husband and I had never ventured outside of traditional intercourse. We were both shy and inexperienced, and I guess we just didn’t desire to venture into those waters. So imagine my first experience of it with Sam. Wow! Where had THIS been all my life? Sam knew I was new to this, so he enjoyed doing it to me and experiencing my reactions. This was such a major part of our May-December relationship—and so exciting for me—that I childishly kept a calendar, noting when it happened. Years later, I looked back on that calendar and was reminded that some weeks it was a daily occurrence. It was daily if he was not with his 11-year-old daughter, with whom I had to compete for his time.
Sam introduced me to a whole new world in the bedroom. There were dildos, feather ticklers, massage oils, Ben Wa balls, and even “dirty” movies. There was even one night he surprised me by dressing up in skimpy underwear and a baseball cap, and dancing sensually to music in his living room—I was speechless. Sam had the maturity and self-confidence to not feel “silly,” and wanted to try everything with me. His adventuresome approach to lovemaking helped me to learn and grow in my own sexuality, and I learned that sex could be so much more fun and exciting than what I was experiencing with my husband.
Naturally, we had intercourse, too, and his goal there was to one day bring me to an orgasm that would make me cry. It finally did happen, while we were on a vacation. What Sam didn’t know was that not all of those tears were the result of the orgasm. Half of them were tears of sadness, as I thought about the fact that I would never truly “have” this man, because he did not want to marry again, and certainly didn’t want more children, as he’d had a vasectomy after his wife had their fourth child. Yet, I was still so young; all of those things should have been ahead of me.
I think that Sam’s show of prowess in the bedroom was spurred on because of our age difference, too. He was very possessive of me, and by making sure I was fulfilled in this area, he reassured himself that I would have no thoughts of seeking pleasure from anyone else.
The problem there is that, as time goes by, we come to the realization that sex is not all we need, and while I certainly had all that I wanted, he was still unable to give me what I wanted most—a stable marriage, children, and a future that included growing old with someone.