Proof That My Illicit Affair with a Rich Older Man Is What Fixed My Broken Marriage: Part 1

My husband’s job was start­ing to take more and more time away from me. The amount of hours I would see him per week had decreased dras­ti­cally. In many ways, it was great because the abu­sive behav­ior slowly dimin­ished. How­ever, I became very lonely and relied heav­ily on Der­rick, the rich older man I was hav­ing an affair with. We went out to din­ner var­i­ous times a week and spent many evenings between the sheets.

Some­thing was chang­ing, though. The lust I once had for him was slowly going away. He became less and less attrac­tive to me and I often resented him for the past. When I met him, I was young and part of me was start­ing to feel like I was being taken advan­tage of. As an older man, he knew the worth and attrac­tive­ness of his money. He knew the lav­ish gifts were blind­ing and, at the time, he knew damn well that he did not want to fall in love with me; he was mar­ried, after all. He could have walked away, but he kept pulling me in.

Even now, Der­rick could not give me what I really needed. As I was near­ing 30 years of age, I was begin­ning to see life dif­fer­ently. My thoughts did not yet stop by insan­ity, but look­ing back, I was def­i­nitely get­ting closer. I now real­ize that some­times you have to fall apart com­pletely so that you are able to rebuild your­self. Unfor­tu­nately, I had to learn this les­son the hard way.

I want kids, Cas­san­dra. If you don’t want kids with me, maybe it’s time we move on. I don’t want to keep wait­ing.” My husband’s words res­onated in the back of my head. He des­per­ately wanted chil­dren, and I did not. I made excuse after excuse about how unsta­ble we were and how busy he was with work. He always answered back say­ing that he would slow down when I was ready. “That’s what I pay peo­ple for,” he would say. I used ther­apy as an excuse, say­ing we needed more so that we were both sure that we were ready. “Tell me when, and I’ll go,” he would say. But for every response, I just made another excuse. I couldn’t do it.

The thought of chil­dren had always made me happy. I wanted kids in my younger days, but now that I felt trapped between my mar­riage and an affair, I sim­ply could not decide what was more impor­tant. I could not choose between my hus­band and my lover. Luck­ily, in my self­ish­ness, I was bright enough to under­stand that I was not ready to be a mother. Chil­dren were sim­ply not a part of my plan—that would be too cruel. Lit­tle did I know that my plan was flawed from the start, and I was about to find out why…

  • Cezar

    Garbage. If you need to com­mit adul­tery to “fix” your mar­riage, then don’t get married.