QUESTION: I’ve been hooking up with one of my older co-workers for about three months. He’s not my boss, but he is one of the higher-ups so no one knows about our arrangement. I guess you could say he’s my sugar daddy? But we’ve gotten pretty close and we’re just so comfortable around each other. Anyways, I assumed he wasn’t married because he’s never even remotely mentioned anything and he doesn’t wear a ring, but the other day I overheard someone saying something about his wife. Should I ask him about it or just pretend like I didn’t hear anything?
CHELSEA SAYS: The easy thing to do would be to just ignore what you heard. But would you be able to live with knowing that you’re the mistress? Then again, you can just play the “I didn’t know” card and wash your hands of it. At the end of the day, you’re the one that has to deal with your conscious, so you ultimately have to decide if you want to know the truth about your sugar daddy or not. If it doesn’t make a difference to you or your relationship, then it really doesn’t matter one way or the other.
For me personally, it would kill me to think he might be married but not know for sure. If you do decide to go the route of uncovering the truth about your sugar daddy’s wife, or lack thereof, there are a few hints you might want to consider before just asking him directly. For example, where do these hook-ups happen? I’m guessing they’re not in the office. Has your sugar daddy ever mentioned going to his place? When he spends money on you, does he pay by cash or credit card? These are all clues that might be able to offer you some insight into his life at home.
If you think your sugar daddy is really lying about being married, then just ask him. Just tell him the truth; say that you think you overheard someone mention something about his wife and you want to know if you heard correctly—you’re entitled to the truth and your sugar daddy should understand that.
If it turns out that your sugar daddy does have a wife at home, then you need to be prepared for what comes next—will you walk away, or are you OK with being the “other woman” in his life?
TRENT SAYS: It sounds like you two get along when you hook up. But then really, would you want to hook up with someone you don’t get along with? And when you are together, the conversation clearly doesn’t delve into the personal realm, or else I suspect your sugar daddy would have told you what his relationship status is. And by not pursuing that line of questioning yourself, you’re sort of implying you don’t really care if he’s married or not.
Has his being married only become an issue since you heard some work colleagues discussing it? If you did overhear some colleagues talking about his wife, I’m tempted to think he is married, only because no one knows you two are hooking up, so they have no reason to throw you a curveball.
So, my only question is: does it matter, at this point, if your sugar daddy is married? Will that influence your decision to be with him?
If it’s an issue or deal breaker, then yes, you should ask him. If it isn’t, then don’t. At the same time, there’s nothing wrong with asking him out of curiosity. After all, you are in a relationship with him; it’s not a bad idea to know where you stand.