Should I Ask My Sugar Daddy If He’s Married?

QUESTION: I’ve been hook­ing up with one of my older co-workers for about three months. He’s not my boss, but he is one of the higher-ups so no one knows about our arrange­ment. I guess you could say he’s my sugar daddy? But we’ve got­ten pretty close and we’re just so com­fort­able around each other. Any­ways, I assumed he wasn’t mar­ried because he’s never even remotely men­tioned any­thing and he doesn’t wear a ring, but the other day I over­heard some­one say­ing some­thing about his wife. Should I ask him about it or just pre­tend like I didn’t hear anything?

CHELSEA SAYS: The easy thing to do would be to just ignore what you heard. But would you be able to live with know­ing that you’re the mis­tress? Then again, you can just play the “I didn’t know” card and wash your hands of it. At the end of the day, you’re the one that has to deal with your con­scious, so you ulti­mately have to decide if you want to know the truth about your sugar daddy or not. If it doesn’t make a dif­fer­ence to you or your rela­tion­ship, then it really doesn’t mat­ter one way or the other.

For me per­son­ally, it would kill me to think he might be mar­ried but not know for sure. If you do decide to go the route of uncov­er­ing the truth about your sugar daddy’s wife, or lack thereof, there are a few hints you might want to con­sider before just ask­ing him directly. For exam­ple, where do these hook-ups hap­pen? I’m guess­ing they’re not in the office. Has your sugar daddy ever men­tioned going to his place? When he spends money on you, does he pay by cash or credit card? These are all clues that might be able to offer you some insight into his life at home.

If you think your sugar daddy is really lying about being mar­ried, then just ask him. Just tell him the truth; say that you think you over­heard some­one men­tion some­thing about his wife and you want to know if you heard correctly—you’re enti­tled to the truth and your sugar daddy should under­stand that.

If it turns out that your sugar daddy does have a wife at home, then you need to be pre­pared for what comes next—will you walk away, or are you OK with being the “other woman” in his life?

TRENT SAYS: It sounds like you two get along when you hook up. But then really, would you want to hook up with some­one you don’t get along with? And when you are together, the con­ver­sa­tion clearly doesn’t delve into the per­sonal realm, or else I sus­pect your sugar daddy would have told you what his rela­tion­ship sta­tus is. And by not pur­su­ing that line of ques­tion­ing your­self, you’re sort of imply­ing you don’t really care if he’s mar­ried or not.

Has his being mar­ried only become an issue since you heard some work col­leagues dis­cussing it? If you did over­hear some col­leagues talk­ing about his wife, I’m tempted to think he is mar­ried, only because no one knows you two are hook­ing up, so they have no rea­son to throw you a curveball.

So, my only ques­tion is: does it mat­ter, at this point, if your sugar daddy is mar­ried? Will that influ­ence your deci­sion to be with him?

If it’s an issue or deal breaker, then yes, you should ask him. If it isn’t, then don’t. At the same time, there’s noth­ing wrong with ask­ing him out of curios­ity. After all, you are in a rela­tion­ship with him; it’s not a bad idea to know where you stand.