Should I Be Worried That My Older Man’s Daughter Didn’t Invite Me to Her Wedding?

QUESTION: My older man’s daugh­ter is get­ting mar­ried in a cou­ple months and I wasn’t invited to the wed­ding. He and I have been together for just over six months now, and I thought I was get­ting along pretty well with his two kids. They were a lit­tle skep­ti­cal about our 25-year age dif­fer­ence when we first started dat­ing, but she seemed to be fine with it as our rela­tion­ship pro­gressed. So, I can’t help but feel snubbed, espe­cially because she’s been talk­ing a lot about the wed­ding around me, but has made no men­tion of the fact that I’m not even on the guest list. I men­tioned it to my older man briefly, but he didn’t think it was that big of a deal, so I just dropped it. But it still really both­ers me. Am I over­re­act­ing? Should I be wor­ried about my relationship?

CHELSEA SAYS: May-December rela­tion­ships are always trick­ier when there’s kids involved. I don’t really blame you for feel­ing left out, espe­cially because you and your older man have been together for a few months. But, in the grand scheme of things, six months really isn’t that long.

As I’m sure you can imag­ine, your older man’s daugh­ter wants her wed­ding day to be absolutely per­fect. And I’m guess­ing the rea­son, or at least one of the rea­sons, she chose to exclude her father’s new sugar baby from the guest list is because she still isn’t 100% con­vinced that your rela­tion­ship is the real deal—since it’s only been six months, she might still feel like her dad’s new younger girl­friend is just a phase and that you won’t be around long enough to war­rant being part of her wedding.

Plus, the wed­ding will be filled with her clos­est friends and fam­ily, includ­ing your older man’s ex. His daugh­ter might just be avoid­ing what is bound to be an awk­ward sit­u­a­tion at the wed­ding. Her dad show­ing up with a new woman who is 25 years younger might take some of the atten­tion away from her.

I don’t think you’re over­re­act­ing, but I also don’t think it’s worth kick­ing up a fuss over. I don’t think you need to be wor­ried about your rela­tion­ship. If that what’s really both­er­ing you, then have a chat with your older man, just to make sure things are still good on his end and to rule out the pos­si­bil­ity that your invite just got lost in the mail or something.

But if it turns out that you’re really not invited, try not to be bit­ter about it. Still show his daugh­ter sup­port and still offer to help her plan the wed­ding in any way you can, even though you might be burn­ing inside. It’ll just show her that you’re mature and that you gen­uinely care about her father and his fam­ily, and she’ll prob­a­bly start tak­ing your rela­tion­ship more seriously.

TRENT SAYS: I don’t think you’re over­re­act­ing. You sim­ply want to know what’s going on and how you fit into his fam­ily dynamic.

It doesn’t sound like you need to be wor­ried about your rela­tion­ship with your sugar daddy. Your rela­tion­ship with his daugh­ter might be a lit­tle strained. Or is it? Has she told you explic­itly that you aren’t invited to the wed­ding? Maybe she just pre­sumes you’ll be going along as her dad’s “plus one.”

Or, it’s quite pos­si­ble that she doesn’t want to rock the boat on one of the biggest days of her life. I pre­sume her mother (your sugar daddy’s ex) is going to be there? His daugh­ter might see that as cre­at­ing an awk­ward sit­u­a­tion and may just want to keep the peace. And for her, it sounds like it’s more impor­tant to keep the peace between her par­ents on her wed­ding day than it is to accom­mo­date you, which is kind of understandable.

I’m pretty sure you’d want to make her day as spe­cial as pos­si­ble too. And, unfor­tu­nately, that might mean you stay­ing at home. Bar­ring your inabil­ity to read her mind, you may want to be upfront with her about it and ask her what’s up. You might also want to chat with your sugar daddy and ask him why he didn’t resolve this sit­u­a­tion for you him­self and find out the answer. It might not be a big deal to him, but it’s clearly an issue for you, and he needs to pay atten­tion to how his sugar baby is feeling.

Whether you’re invited or not, find out where she’s registered.