QUESTION: My boyfriend’s birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and when I asked him what he wants for his gift this year, he told me that he wants us to make a sex tape together—apparently it’s something he’s always fantasized about. He assured me that it would just be for the two of us to see, and I do trust him. But I’m still a bit camera shy. What do you think?
CHELSEA SAYS: Oh my, someone’s got a pretty kinky man on their hands. Usually, I’m all for a little experimenting in the bedroom, but when it comes to making a sex tape, that’s more of a gray area for me. While I’m not entirely against putting your sex life on camera, there are a few things to be concerned about.
First of all, you say you trust your boyfriend, but do you trust him enough not to turn against you if the relationship goes sour? He may be all sweet and trusting now, but there’s no guarantee that that sex tape won’t be sent to anyone and everyone once your relationship ends.
My other concern might be a little shallower, but it’s still valid. Are you prepared to see yourself on screen in all your glory? I have a couple of girlfriends who have done the sex tape thing, and their first reaction to watching themselves in action was that it didn’t look like how they expected it would. That’s just something to keep in mind if you do decide to actually go through with it.
Speaking of going through with it, if you have to question whether or not to make this sex tape with your man, then you’re obviously not 100% comfortable with doing it. Don’t do it just to make him happy—there are plenty of other naughty birthday gifts you can give him instead that I’m sure he’ll appreciate. If you turning down a sex tape will be a deal breaker for him, then you’re better off without him—no mature, successful man should ever pressure their lady, regardless of the arrangement, to do anything they aren’t comfortable with.
Now, if you decide to go through with making a sex tape with your boyfriend, be smart about it. Make sure there’s only one copy. Watch it together, but make sure you keep it in your possession, NO MATTER WHAT. Don’t even lend it to him. In fact, store it somewhere safe and don’t tell him where you’ve kept it. You want to keep that baby safe come hell or high water. Maybe you can take it out every year on his birthday and relive it together. Or maybe, if it ends up being a hit, it’ll be the start of a series. In any case, just make sure that you’re in control of the one and only copy.
TRENT SAYS: I’m not going to say the idea of making a sex tape isn’t titillating. It’s also just further evidence that your man—or men in general, for that matter—are visual creatures. But, as the potential star of the show, should you strip down and say, “Action,” or trust your feminine wiles?
In today’s day and age, the rise of amateur porn web sites, the risk of someone hacking his computer, and even the advent of revenge porn sites are all cause for some concern. Even if your relationship is rock solid, as long as you make a sex tape, there’s a chance it could get into the wrong hands.
At the same time, you could make a video with the understanding that you are in possession of it at all times. This means propping a camera on a tri-pod—no cell phones. And, it should also be understood that you are in total control of it. Making a home movie might actually be a lot of fun. But since you’re taking on a good portion of the risk, insist that your boyfriend play by your rules. I’m certain he’d rather make an amateur movie with you that has some restrictions than not make one at all.
If you’re still not totally convinced, you could always just do a photo shoot. Fuji still makes instant film cameras, and it’s not that hard to find a Polaroid camera in thrift stores these days. Give him five packs of film (that’s about 50 pictures) and have a fun afternoon. Although, again, the same stipulation applies—you get to keep the pictures, and no, he cannot keep a copy, no matter how much he begs.
There are a number of ways you can give your boyfriend a great birthday present, even if you are sitting on the fence. Err on the side of caution and comfort, and enjoy!