Whether you’re married or just dating your older man, sex is inevitably going to have to be factored into the relationship, at least at some point or another. We read lots of information on how you can improve your sex life with your older man, whether it’s by expressing your needs, dressing up, or finding other ways to get creative. It also doesn’t come as much of a surprise that couples who have regular sex are happier.
But researchers at the University of Toronto have taken it one step further. They’ve discovered that the quality of your sex life, not to mention the quality of your relationship, actually has a lot to do with why you’re having sex in the first place.
The study looked at people’s motivations for having sex with their spouse and divided the common reasons into two categories: approach and avoidance. Approach motives are directed toward achieving a particular outcome, like increasing intimacy, while avoidance motivations are to avoid a negative outcome, like doing it to avoid a conflict.
The participants were asked to complete a survey daily for two weeks, and when they had sex, there were asked to report on their motives and rate their level of satisfaction. The results showed that when you act on a positive motivation (approach motives), you’ll be more sexually satisfied. But the same goes for your partner. If you’re having sex for positive reasons, your partner is more likely to feel more satisfaction and desire. On the other hand, if you’re acting on a negative motivation (avoidance motives), not only will you not be satisfied, but neither will your partner.
The results carried over into long-term satisfaction, too. Couples who reported having sex for more positive reasons were more sexually satisfied four months down the road, compared to couples who only had sex for negative reasons and weren’t as satisfied in their relationship.
Although the study focused primarily on marital sex, the results can still be applied to your May-December relationship. The findings just go to show that, in any relationship, just having sex isn’t enough. There has to be a real connection beyond sex in order for any relationship to really work. Even if you’re casually dating a sugar daddy and sex is just part of your agreed-upon arrangement, it still has to be satisfying for him. And if you’re just doing it so that you can avoid pissing him off, it won’t be any better for him than it is for you. When sex is more of a chore than a desire, no one benefits. If you continue down that path, he’ll just find another sugar baby with whom he has a better sexual connection with.
What do you think: Have you had sex with an older man before just for the sake of avoiding something?
Bernstein, E., “The Real Reason Couples Have Sex,” The Wall Street Journal web site, October 21, 2013; http://goo.gl/7ifUE5.