The Last Person I Ever Expected to Confess to About My Lucrative Infidelities

They say that the truth will set you free. In my case, the say­ing couldn’t be truer. I didn’t tell my ex-fiancé, Josh, about what hap­pened with us. I couldn’t tell him that I left him because I was hav­ing an affair with my sugar daddy. After how kind Josh was being, and how happy he was, I could not bear to tell him the truth. Although I’m cer­tain that he was over me, I could not bear the thought of hurt­ing him again.

We stayed at the cof­fee shop for hours. I told him about my hus­band and his abu­sive ten­den­cies. Slowly, I man­aged to tell him about my infi­delity and about how con­flicted I was about it. I told him I wanted to stop, but that I was caught between two worlds, nei­ther one of which I really wanted.

Josh was stunned, but he was kind with his words and encour­aged me to find hap­pi­ness. He reminded me that not all mar­riages were meant to work, espe­cially ones where some­one was abu­sive. He reminded me of my strength and added that, while I may be lust­ing over my lover, the fact that it never worked out spoke volumes.

If it was love, true love, you would know and you would be able to pick one.” He con­tin­ued speak­ing words of wis­dom and ended by say­ing, “I need you to remem­ber who you are. You are not a one-night stand. You are not the woman who cheats on her hus­band just for sex. The woman I remem­ber took care of her man and was faith­ful. The woman I fell in love with was like no other. And as much as I love my wife, no one, and I mean no one will ever com­pare to you. I’m thank­ful that you were hon­est and walked away. I would have hated to be in your husband’s shoes as your hus­band and not your fiancé.”

I was a deer in the head­lights. My jaw must have dropped to the floor and he nod­ded. Some­how, he knew. I don’t know what exactly he knew or how he knew, but some­how, he knew. I could not ask, and I did not want to know. I was too embar­rassed, too ashamed. “I’m sorry,” I said. I had no other words.

I know. I’m not mad. I’m thank­ful. In a messed up way, it was all meant to be. You pre­pared me for my wife, Mary. And as much as I love you, I can’t imag­ine my life with­out her and wouldn’t want to spend my life with any­one but her. Find your Mary.” We smiled and min­utes later parted ways. When he hugged me good­bye, I didn’t want him to let go. It was then that I real­ized how much I had messed up. This was the man for me and I let him go because I wanted lav­ish gifts and raw passion.

When I got home, my hus­band wasn’t home, so I called up Der­rick, my older lover, and had him meet me at the house. I knew my house was off-limits and if my hus­band ever found out, he would kill me, but some­thing about the sit­u­a­tion sent adren­a­line rush­ing through my body.

When Der­rick came over, we had sex in the guest bed­room. While in his arms, I did not think of him or of my hus­band. This time I thought of Josh and his words. He was right. I was bet­ter than this.