At the young age of 18, I met a guy named Jared while on a trip I took with my mom and sisters. At six feet with dark brown hair and eyes, Jared wasn’t exactly the dreamboat I wished for. He was a guy who didn’t finish school and was unemployed, still living with his mom. That doesn’t look good to any mother, especially one with a daughter who was unemployed herself; so my mom definitely had some doubts about us. But what my mom didn’t understand was that where she saw a good-for-nothing guy, I saw a potential “dreamboat,” just one that needed a bit of work.
I gave my virginity to Jared around the time that my birthday came. It was supposed to have been romantic and perfect, especially since Jared came down to see me a month after we had left Oregon. Giving over my virginity was a decision made under that hot and heavy haze where all judgment was out the door and the only thing that one wanted to do was get their release.
I was in bliss for all of 10 minutes—and cue the humiliation. Once he came, it was over. He kissed me on the cheek, said his obligatory “I love you,” and turned over to go to sleep. I was mortified. That was it? I had prized my v-card as something to give over to someone who was worth it. The idea of being intimate with a man always filled my mind as something that was amazing, sensual, and mind blowing. The only thing that blew my mind with Jared was how he didn’t even know that women came, too.
Regardless of the humiliation that I suffered at the hands of Jared, I was still in my first puppy-love stages. Therefore, when he invited me back to Oregon with him, I was ready to jump in his car and drive 14 hours to another state by myself. It turned out to be the best and worst idea at the time. You can learn a lot about someone by sitting in the car with them all day.
I ended up spending two months in Oregon. I was with Jared and we had a lot of laughs and good memories, but the bad memories always outweighed the good ones. I had tried my best not to let my insecurities come out, but it was hard when Jared was notoriously known for being a player; although he swears that he was not with anyone else around the time that we were together, I always had my doubts.
There were days that we’d wake up late and he’d immediately jump in the shower, get ready, and have a friend pick him up. I had no idea where they went, but I never asked. I was too proud to even show a vulnerable jealous side to myself, so I let it go. But soon it became one too many times and I started to reevaluate our “relationship.” This guy wasn’t ready for a commitment and I was. But it would take a lot more than bad sex to convince me it was time to move on…