“Keep your voice down, the baby is still asleep,” Keegan snapped. “Listen, I just needed a release, and it wasn’t all that often. I am a man after all! It was either Candice or some prostitute. And to be clear, it was only a temporary thing until I found the right woman to invest my time, energy, and money into. She clearly was not it for me. Sure, she’s an attractive, educated woman with a nice rack, and you know those are three things that really get me going. But I only continued to see the sugar baby after you and I started getting serious, because you seemed too good to be true for me. I mean, you and I, we don’t make sense to most people. She was just my insurance for when you dumped me. But then you surprised me.”
I was in disbelief. “So, is this what I can expect for the duration of our marriage?” I asked visibly upset. “Here I am thinking you were a true gentleman abiding by our 10 dates, no sex rule. And meanwhile, you were only abstaining from sex with me, because you were f*cking her.”
“To be fair, once we started dating seriously, I only let her go down on me, and around the six month mark, I stopped seeing her altogether,” Keegan said, almost as if he was proud of himself. I didn’t say anything else to him for the rest of the drive home.
We arrived back home, unloaded everything into the house, and got the baby settled. The wedding favors were stacked up all over the kitchen table, there were flower arrangements randomly sitting on shelves and countertops, my dress hung in our dining room, and my veil hung in the office. As I looked around at all of this beautiful stuff for our upcoming nuptials, I found it increasingly difficult to remain upset.
Sure, it wasn’t what I wanted to hear and technically yes, he had been having an affair. But he ultimately chose me to be his wife, his life partner, and to have his first-born child with. At the end of the day, he chose me and that’s what mattered most. I chose to internalize the betrayal and disappointment I felt, because I wanted to ignore it and pretend as if it had never happened. I wanted to go on with our lives.