The arguments between my sugar daddy, Kirk, and I weren’t getting better. He wasn’t happy about being committed to me while I kept him a secret—I had to, since my first older sugar daddy, Keith, had no idea what I was doing while he was away. Kirk’s ego was beginning to cause a problem and he would often go missing without me being able to get a hold of him. He just couldn’t handle my relationship with Keith anymore.
What I respected and loved about Kirk was that he was oblivious to how women saw him; he was a gorgeous man and women always hit on him, but it meant nothing, as long as he had me the way he wanted. That meant that, for now at least, he was being faithful. I felt guilty for keeping Kirk on the backburner, but how do you just leave someone that has done you no wrong? I was not ready to let Keith go.
I had a friend in my modeling agency that always had a thing for Kirk and she was always asking my permission to go out with him, although he was never interested. I told him I had no problem if he even had sex with her. After all, I had someone else, too. I guess in some way I was trying to appease him and stop my guilt, but he was not budging. After weeks of forcing him to give her a shot, he came to see me one night and my model friend just happened to be there. I whispered to Kirk that if he loved me, he would do as I told him.
He finally agreed to have sex with her, and as I handed him the condoms, I watched them do it. I had no emotions as I watched her scream and moan; somehow, watching them made me feel better about what I was doing. Looking back, I was in such a bad place at the time. I didn’t deserve any of these men and in some weird way, they both became my pawns. Because of their love for me, I could manipulate them both—and I did.
I told Keith that everything he needed to hear in order for him to fall even harder for me, and I did all the things I knew would impress him. In my mind, it was love, but how can you love two people? Is that even possible? Is that really what I felt for these two men?
It was never easy balancing the two, hiding the phone calls and the text messages, sneaking around—it was so tiring, not to mention difficult. I had gotten so accustomed to the life I had with both of them that I didn’t want to let go of either of the two, as hard as it was to manage them both.
Whenever Keith had any suspicions, I was so good at reassuring him with my tears and professing my undying love for him, arguing how tired I was of his accusations. I’ve since grown up and realized that what I did was so unfair to both men, regardless of Keith’s witch of a wife. But these were good men, and as I would soon find out, the game I was playing was about to get very dangerous.