I’m a mother of two beautiful daughters. I’m dating an older man who doesn’t have any children of his own, although he has talked about wanting to possibly become a father someday—he has even considered the possibility of adopting.
You hear a lot about what to do when your older man has kids, but what happens when the tables are turned? This is something that a lot of women need to think about before getting seriously involved with an older man. If you are a woman who has kids already, you need to think about the impact that your May-December relationship will have on them.
The age of your children can be a huge factor. If your kids are younger, it is easier—in my opinion—to introduce them to a new man. At a younger age, kids like to do activities that may not be as physically demanding, which can be great for an older man. Plus, younger children usually tend to be more accepting of a new relationship, even if he’s older.
Teenaged children, on the other had, may have a very tough time accepting someone new in your life, especially if that someone is significantly older than you are. Don’t be surprised if they blame your current boyfriend for your failed relationship with their father. Keep this in mind if your older man has children too. His kids may see you as nothing but a mistress, a roadblock in their parents’ marriage. Children can often have a very strong influence on a parent, and if you’re not accepted by your older man’s kids, it can be a huge strain on your relationship with him.
Your age is also a huge factor. I am in my early 30s. I never wanted to have my tubes tied, and I’ve thought many times about having one more child. My lover is in his 50s. He’s still well and able to be a father—he’s in great health, he works out, and as far as I know, he has a pretty decent family background. He and his wife never had children because, even though he wanted to be a father, she didn’t want any kids. He’s talked at great lengths about wanting a child of his own someday.
So, if you’re a woman still in your childbearing years, make sure you’re up front with your older man and talk about things like this. Bring up issues that concern you, and discuss the “what-ifs.” Don’t be afraid to bring the topic up before getting intimate together. Here are some areas you should consider covering with your older man:
• What are your stances on having children together? If kids are an option, think about how old your older man will be when the child is going to college. What happens if your older gentleman does end up with health problems further down the road—are you prepared to deal with that mentally and financially, especially if you’re already raising other children as well?
• If you’re not interested in having children and neither is he, you both need to be open and honest with each other. Talk about birth control or contraceptives. Never assume that because a man is older, he’s infertile. Not only can unexpected pregnancies complicate your relationship, it can make things really hard for your older children.
• Like with any relationship, it’s always good to weigh your pros and cons before making any hasty, life-altering decisions (like marriage) that you may end up regretting later.