The One Decision That Can Either Destroy or Solidify Your Relationship with an Older Man

I’m a mother of two beau­ti­ful daugh­ters. I’m dat­ing an older man who doesn’t have any chil­dren of his own, although he has talked about want­ing to pos­si­bly become a father someday—he has even con­sid­ered the pos­si­bil­ity of adopting.

You hear a lot about what to do when your older man has kids, but what hap­pens when the tables are turned? This is some­thing that a lot of women need to think about before get­ting seri­ously involved with an older man. If you are a woman who has kids already, you need to think about the impact that your May-December rela­tion­ship will have on them.

The age of your chil­dren can be a huge fac­tor. If your kids are younger, it is easier—in my opinion—to intro­duce them to a new man. At a younger age, kids like to do activ­i­ties that may not be as phys­i­cally demand­ing, which can be great for an older man. Plus, younger chil­dren usu­ally tend to be more accept­ing of a new rela­tion­ship, even if he’s older.

Teenaged chil­dren, on the other had, may have a very tough time accept­ing some­one new in your life, espe­cially if that some­one is sig­nif­i­cantly older than you are. Don’t be sur­prised if they blame your cur­rent boyfriend for your failed rela­tion­ship with their father. Keep this in mind if your older man has chil­dren too. His kids may see you as noth­ing but a mis­tress, a road­block in their par­ents’ mar­riage. Chil­dren can often have a very strong influ­ence on a par­ent, and if you’re not accepted by your older man’s kids, it can be a huge strain on your rela­tion­ship with him.

Your age is also a huge fac­tor. I am in my early 30s. I never wanted to have my tubes tied, and I’ve thought many times about hav­ing one more child. My lover is in his 50s. He’s still well and able to be a father—he’s in great health, he works out, and as far as I know, he has a pretty decent fam­ily back­ground. He and his wife never had chil­dren because, even though he wanted to be a father, she didn’t want any kids. He’s talked at great lengths about want­ing a child of his own someday.

So, if you’re a woman still in your child­bear­ing years, make sure you’re up front with your older man and talk about things like this. Bring up issues that con­cern you, and dis­cuss the “what-ifs.” Don’t be afraid to bring the topic up before get­ting inti­mate together. Here are some areas you should con­sider cov­er­ing with your older man:

• What are your stances on hav­ing chil­dren together? If kids are an option, think about how old your older man will be when the child is going to col­lege. What hap­pens if your older gen­tle­man does end up with health prob­lems fur­ther down the road—are you pre­pared to deal with that men­tally and finan­cially, espe­cially if you’re already rais­ing other chil­dren as well?

• If you’re not inter­ested in hav­ing chil­dren and nei­ther is he, you both need to be open and hon­est with each other. Talk about birth con­trol or con­tra­cep­tives. Never assume that because a man is older, he’s infer­tile. Not only can unex­pected preg­nan­cies com­pli­cate your rela­tion­ship, it can make things really hard for your older children.

• Like with any rela­tion­ship, it’s always good to weigh your pros and cons before mak­ing any hasty, life-altering deci­sions (like mar­riage) that you may end up regret­ting later.

  • Melissa Knight-Lee

    I think this is pretty good info for a women with an older man, or any man lol. You dont really want to end up knocked up with a kid you dont want or can’t handle.