The One Problem with My Rich Older Man That Incredible Sex Can’t Fix

Being engaged to my older man Patrick was both thrilling and fright­en­ing. I was thrilled that this man had cho­sen me, but on the other hand, I wasn’t com­pletely con­fi­dent this was the right thing for either of us. And, of course, there was the fam­ily issue—his dif­fi­cult fam­ily and the one I wouldn’t have if I mar­ried him because I would be giv­ing up moth­er­hood. That was fright­en­ing to me.

I didn’t voice those con­cerns to him. Instead, I sur­ren­dered myself to him. He had worked very hard to finally and firmly keep me in his life. I had no doubt that this man loved me more than any man I had ever known. In some ways, it felt like “father love.” He was so pro­tec­tive, so con­cerned with my com­fort and hap­pi­ness, and he con­stantly doted on me.

One evening, Patrick and I went out to din­ner with a group of my friends. There was a cou­ple with us whom I had never met before. We all gath­ered at a won­der­ful steak house that was con­sid­ered to be one of Chicago’s finest. There were 10 of us and we all sat around a large table, ordered drinks and wine, appe­tiz­ers, and, finally, steak. I wasn’t much of a steak woman, but Patrick insisted I try a filet, done medium rare.

When the entrées arrived, Patrick reached over and began cut­ting my steak for me. I will admit that it took me off guard, but I didn’t object. The meal was deli­cious, every­one seemed to have a great time, and we went back to my apart­ment around 11 p.m.

My phone rang sev­eral min­utes later and when I picked up, it was my girl­friend who had been at din­ner with us. She wanted me to know that her friend (the one I had just met that evening) had been shocked and dis­gusted that Patrick had cut my steak for me. She said her girl­friend thought it was ridicu­lous that he “infan­tilized” me like that. She her­self wasn’t upset, but she did say that maybe Patrick went too far in some social sit­u­a­tions, hov­er­ing over me and per­form­ing ordi­nary tasks for me. I told her I’d talk to her in the morn­ing and hung up.

We went to bed and, as usual, had won­der­ful sex—ardent, hard, long, pas­sion­ate, and sen­sual sex, end­ing in rolling orgasms. In my head, how­ever, I kept hear­ing that word, “infan­tiliz­ing,” and it trou­bled me. I was an inde­pen­dent, strong, and intel­li­gent woman. I had never been with a “sugar daddy” before and the age dif­fer­ence was both a bless­ing and a curse. Was it all part of being with an older man? Was this OK? Did oth­ers think he treated me like a child? I wasn’t ques­tion­ing my May-December rela­tion­ship before the din­ner, but all of a sud­den, I wasn’t so sure anymore.