The One Thing My Boyfriend Does That Makes It Impossible For Me to Leave Him

My age gap rela­tion­ship with Sam, who was 22 years my senior, was very sex­u­ally charged. The rela­tion­ship was also fraught with pos­ses­sive­ness and resentment—Sam would make sure I was sat­is­fied in the bed­room, just so that I wouldn’t stray. The sex was so good, in fact, that it was also the rea­son I kept tak­ing him back after an explo­sive argument.

One of the things we argued about a lot was his devo­tion to his pre-teen daugh­ter. While there was no ques­tion that he needed to be a good dad for her, he put a lot of effort into keep­ing me and her apart. This obvi­ously resulted in a lot of nights with me being left alone, when instead we could have all been together. She and I did even­tu­ally become friends, but this only came after sev­eral years of my push­ing for a relationship.

One night while he was dri­ving me home after din­ner, we got into such a heated argu­ment on the mat­ter that I forced him to stop the car half a mile from my apart­ment. I slammed the car door shut, yelling, “Good­bye, Sam. I’m tired of try­ing. Let your daugh­ter keep you warm at night from now on.” I walked the rest of the way home as he drove away.

After sev­eral days of not speak­ing, I was in bed half asleep when I heard my apart­ment door open—I knew it was him. He qui­etly undressed, got into bed next to me, and pro­ceeded to give me just what he knew I loved. And that was it, fight resolved.

Another con­tentious issue was Sam’s over­ar­ch­ing pos­ses­sive­ness over me—he was con­stantly wor­ried about los­ing me to a younger man. It got to the point where I was afraid to let my eyes even wan­der in a pub­lic place, because accord­ing to him, I was just scop­ing out other men.

The restau­rant we fre­quented had a new employee named Ted, an attrac­tive man around my age. I was sit­ting at the bar wait­ing for Sam one night, and Ted, not yet know­ing about my age gap rela­tion­ship with Sam, started talk­ing to me from behind the bar. The con­ver­sa­tion started with pleas­antries and even­tu­ally got a lit­tle more per­sonal, like what movies I liked, and what I did on the week­ends. I could tell that Ted was interested.

We must have looked quite engrossed in our con­ver­sa­tion, because when Sam finally showed up, he came over and exclaimed loudly that it appeared as though I was hav­ing a good time, and that he wasn’t needed there. He then stormed out of the restau­rant. I called him later that night, say­ing that he had acted like a child and that I couldn’t stand the jeal­ousy any longer—I told him that I wanted out.

Again, for sev­eral days, we didn’t see or speak to each other. A few morn­ings later, as I was get­ting ready for work, he came through the door of my apart­ment. Instead of firmly stick­ing with my con­vic­tions and telling him to get out, I let him approach me, and we ended up mak­ing love with half our clothes still on. Then he dropped me off at work.

The extra 22 years Sam had on me had cer­tainly honed his love­mak­ing skills. And he knew exactly how to use those fine-tuned skills to get me right where he wanted me.