When I brought up the topic of religion with Keegan, I was expecting him to say that it didn’t matter, because neither of us were religious people. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. Keegan actually voiced a very strong opinion towards his Catholic religion and how strongly embedded in the Catholic community his family was. Considering he was the man in this relationship, he felt that I should convert to Catholicism, even though he didn’t actively practice it. That way, we could have a catholic ceremony.
“Not a chance in hell, Keegan. You can do whatever you want to me, but I will not convert to a religion just for your family, especially considering the fact that you aren’t even an active worshiper,” I screamed.
This was a breaking point for us—I wouldn’t budge, and neither would he. Both families were staunchly religious on either side, but the two people who mattered most in the marriage were agnostic! I didn’t want prayer, bible verses, or anything religious in our vows. Besides I couldn’t even find any that reflected how we truly are as a couple. I wasn’t going to back down on this one. It took some time and a few stiff drinks, but eventually, Keegan came around.
But there was another problem. My brother-in-law was set to officiate our wedding and he was an active Christian pastor. This posed a problem, because he too wanted the vows to reflect religion and prayer.
Take my advice and address the issue of religion before you and your older man decide to get married. Waiting till the last minute will only make things more complicated.
In the end, I realized that I would have to make some compromises as well, and we came to the agreement to co-write our vows, intentionally leaving out all but one piece of religious garble that resonated with both sects of religion. Therefore, everyone was happy, except for me. But sometimes you just have to accept it, count your losses, and move on—there are bigger battles to fight, like I would soon find out.