The Real Reason I Called Off My Engagement to a Much Older Man

I was madly in love with my older man, Brian; we were both so madly in love with each other that at one point, he even asked me to marry him. I said yes instantly—he bought me the most beau­ti­ful ring with match­ing ear­rings. We had only just met maybe three months ear­lier, but with the time we spent together, it seemed like so much longer. He was so ecsta­tic I said yes that he sent me flow­ers and sur­prised me with a beau­ti­ful Gucci hand­bag. It was like a fairy tale. We vis­ited a dress shop once to look at gowns, but I felt uneasy try­ing any­thing on as the shop atten­dant gave me a dirty look because of our obvi­ous age difference.

As time went on and we dis­cussed it, we real­ized that we were just in two dif­fer­ent places in our lives. He was near­ing retire­ment as I was just start­ing out in life. He was much older than me at the time; his kids were already older than me. The biggest issue though, was that he didn’t want kids; he’d already raised four—“not includ­ing you,” he joked. He also didn’t want to wait anx­iously for me to come home after being around “hot guys” who were “my age.” He saw that as com­pe­ti­tion and a bat­tle he was cer­tain he’d lose. I dis­agreed fiercely.

Because we were at dif­fer­ent points in our life, he felt it was near time to end the rela­tion­ship before it pro­gressed any fur­ther. He’d had his chil­dren and was putting them through col­lege, so he did what he thought was best at the time. We spent an entire whirl­wind week­end together mak­ing love, shop­ping for a whole new wardrobe, laugh­ing, cry­ing, going for rides on his motor­cy­cle, and just being us, doing what­ever made us happy. We were best when we were together, nei­ther of us could deny that.

At the end of our week­end, we agreed that it would be the last time we’d see each other to let things cool off. Our pas­sion was intense—mind, body, and soul. Love­mak­ing was phe­nom­e­nal, and the con­nec­tion was unmatched. Brian didn’t want to be left behind wait­ing while I grew up, and look­ing back, I now agree; it was for the best.

Brian taught me a lot dur­ing our time together; I still do some things a cer­tain way because that’s how he taught me to do it. Even though I asked him to, he never did meet my mother, although she knew all along, even with­out me ever dis­cussing it with her. She agreed that it was the wis­est deci­sion we could make, to end on a high note. She was a lit­tle miffed that I didn’t invite her to go wed­ding dress shop­ping though, because she had some choice words for the snotty atten­dant after hear­ing all about it.

Although I was heart­bro­ken, my mom sug­gested I pull myself back up and get back out there so I could move on. So, I did. Dur­ing this time, I met Marco.