As I sat there on our king-sized bed with my mouse hovering over the “Send” button, I wondered just how much our marriage was about to change. Then again, Keegan and I agreed to embark on this journey together, for better or worse. At the beginning of our relationship, we had some trying times due to our age difference, but Keegan, being the mature and dignified man he is, always found a way for us to be happy, for me to be happy. I had to trust him.
I hit “Send.” The email read:
I miss you in bed next to me and the random middle-of-the-night sex we love so much. Hopefully this new job is worth it. To be honest, I don’t really like the length of travelling you have to do, as you can tell. Please open the attachment when you are alone in a private area—I hope you enjoy them. If you approve, I’ll post them to our lifestyle profile.
To answer your question—yes, I am scared of being totally honest about revealing my fantasies. But I know I don’t need to be. So here is my counteroffer: your top two fantasies are actually my top two fantasies as well, just in a different order. I would love to make these a reality with you.
I love you,
Keegan’s two fantasies were to, first, have a threesome, and second, watch me be with another man.
After sending the e-mail and pictures, I logged into our online dating account and began to draft up our profile, detailing all of our desires and needs. Then I modified the pictures to obscure my identity, found several pictures of Keegan that were suitable for the site, and obscured his identity, too. Protecting our identity on the site is really just to protect ourselves in case someone we know at work happens to find our profile.
Within minutes, Keegan texted me with a wink, followed by, “I love you, and I knew you were as dirty-minded as me!” We were both obviously on the same page, so I finalized the updates and published everything. Meanwhile, the texts from Keegan kept coming; he was like an excited teenager spamming my phone. His excitement and interest was exhilarating! This was the first time in ages that we were both so excited and dead set on trying something new.
After about five minutes of our dating profile going live, there were two messages from single guys in our inbox. I really wanted Keegan to be present during all correspondence, but soon realized, first of all, that wasn’t possible with his travelling, and second, he could view the messages remotely.
As I went to respond, I realized that we had never discussed limitations and what would be deemed acceptable communication. Was I allowed to share our identity and contact information? There was so very much that had to be taken into consideration as a couple when planning to join this lifestyle. The one thing I had learned from the research I did was that talking this stuff out should never be skipped or skimmed over in hopes that it would “work itself out.” I notified Keegan of the messages so he could read them, and then followed up with a separate e-mail detailing my questions about things we had not yet discussed.
The web site we use is chocked full of information for newcomers, but I still felt overwhelmed. That’s when I found the swingers’ guide and the swingers’ manual. Keegan clearly didn’t need to read these, but because I’m much younger and inexperienced, I thought he might be impressed if I had done my homework ahead of his return.
This was it. I was really going to do this. I was terrified, but I was ready. I was about to become a real swinger.