The Ugly Downside of Sleeping with a Man Who’s Twice Your Age

Liv­ing with my older man, Marco, had a lot of perks. He was a great cook, great com­pany, and a good lover. After we were both set­tled in, he took me to open my own bank account and put money in it, since I didn’t have a job. He added me as an autho­rized user on his Visa with a $10,000 limit.

All of this was so new to me because I never had any money before. What am I sup­posed to do with all of this? Go on a wild shop­ping spree? Other girls might, but that just wasn’t my style. For my age, I was sur­pris­ingly respon­si­ble, which was a shock to Marco. At most, I spent money on one big ticket item, a lap­top for school, which he agreed was nec­es­sary, even with my over-the-top specs for it.

Each month, the bill came in and he paid it with no ques­tions asked. I didn’t have a job for the entire first year of our rela­tion­ship, and he didn’t want me to have one; he wanted me to focus on school so that I could make some­thing of myself. It didn’t mat­ter what I charged to his card—gas, food, clothes, books for school—as long as I was going to school every day and get­ting good grades, tak­ing care that the house was clean, and mak­ing sure the sex was fresh and exciting.

His ded­i­ca­tion to my edu­ca­tion was the best thing he could have ever given me. Along with teach­ing me proper din­ner eti­quette for busi­ness din­ners, which despite being a lit­tle Pretty Woman, wasn’t the only thing this dis­tin­guished Ital­ian lover taught me.

Dur­ing the course of this first year together, he trav­eled a lot, some­times for weeks at a time, so it was won­der­ful when he was home. It drew our rela­tion­ship out over time, because he was gone about two to three weeks of every month. At times, it was very lonely and iso­lated. He had his friends, his work, and his busi­ness life. I had my school and a few friends who lived an hour away.

In school, most of my class­mates were guys, and mak­ing friends was hard because Marco was sur­pris­ingly jeal­ous. Plus, once they found out I was liv­ing with an older man, they typ­i­cally shunned me. It took some time, but we worked out our bound­aries for friend­ships and I found a small but reli­able group of friends in the city. If I could change any­thing about the way we han­dled our rela­tion­ship in the begin­ning, I would change how we decided to move in together so quickly and, instead, I would have cho­sen to have my own apart­ment, to learn to live on my own first with­out depend­ing on some­one else. Hind­sight is 20/20, though.

So, here I am liv­ing in a beau­ti­ful rent-free house, dri­ving a new vehi­cle, and all of my needs are met with­out ques­tion. I was doing really well in school and pretty much with­out a care in the world, until one fate­ful night about six months into our liv­ing arrangement.

Marco was pack­ing to leave again for another busi­ness trip and I was feel­ing a bit needy. I really just wanted an extra day with him; he landed Sat­ur­day morn­ing and was pack­ing to head out early Mon­day morn­ing. He smiled, kissed me ten­derly, and looked at me with this look, as if to say sar­cas­ti­cally through expres­sion, “You poor thing.” All he said out loud was, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. You are taken care of.”

As if that was all I needed? An occa­sional lover, an absent boyfriend, a busi­ness­man so caught up in him­self and his work that I was just a mere com­pli­men­tary ser­vice of his com­ing home. All of a sud­den, my seem­ingly per­fect life wasn’t look­ing so per­fect anymore.

  • Vivi­enne Brugmans

    Young girls with most older men are just eye candie

  • Alia

    No rela­tion­ship is per­fect. Every man is going to say the wrong thing and hurt you some­times. Very rarely do they mean it. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it. You will be glad you did.

  • Mark Rogers

    Shal­low is as shal­low does…unfortunately as a teacher for high school­ers for so many years I’ve seen these May/December romances pop up with stu­dents and teach­ers both illic­itly and ille­gal, and once in a great while–when the high school kid is OUT of school and there­fore essen­tially legal but not nec­es­sar­ily eth­i­cal. The point being, what DRIVES the rela­tion­ship is the most impor­tant thing-is it a fatherly need to “take care of some­one” out of guilt for fail­ing a past mar­riage or child? Is it the need for sim­ply “eye candy” as one post noted, the tro­phy on the arm? On the part of the younger per­son, man or woman, is it a need for sta­bil­ity and care or “expe­ri­ence in the sack”? I don’t really know, and am not a coun­selor or psychologist–but I surely won­der what indeed makes these rela­tion­ships “click”. I HAVE seen some large dif­fer­ences in rela­tion­ship age in very, very happy couples–there could have been no more truer love than what I saw in these people’s lives. Oth­ers, how­ever, were just shal­lowly made and ended in a lot of pain. I think the basic premise I would tell any­one, if asked, is to make sure your rela­tion­ship is hon­est, and equal in what you are seek­ing in said rela­tion­ship. If it’s good in the spir­i­tual, emo­tional, and phys­i­cal aspects–age doesn’t mat­ter. How­ever, if it’s only based on one or two of those aspects–trouble awaits and pos­si­ble heart­break. I hope the young lady men­tioned here truly has that love and emo­tional attach­ment from her Marco she so needs.

  • Marco’s Wife

    He’s got a wife and kids in another town, don’t you get it? You’re the 2 week out of town busi­ness trip.…translation.….mistress! Yipes, so naive!!!