The Weirdest, Most Unforgettable Thing He Ever Did to Get Me Into Bed (Not What I Expected!): Part 1

I was out on a roman­tic din­ner date with my new older man, Kee­gan. As the evening wore on, we both drank a lot more than planned, but we were hav­ing a really great time. We tried mak­ing it through a movie, but decided it was best we head back to my apart­ment nearby and sober up. The weather was bad, so we rode in one car and once we got home, we both fell asleep.

That was the first night Kee­gan stayed over. He fell asleep on the couch, and I on the bed. Around 2 a.m., I woke up con­fused, so I went to find him. I didn’t know if he’d left or what. He was snor­ing peace­fully, but I woke him up any­way. I held his hand and led him to my bed­room. We lied down and cud­dled up under the blankets—we were both still mostly clothed. It was the most com­fort­able feel­ing, like a human body heater ema­nat­ing mass quan­ti­ties of heated cologne.

We started to fall back asleep, but after about 20 min­utes, Kee­gan let out the biggest, loud­est, longest fart I had ever heard, and hav­ing grown up with seven broth­ers, that’s pretty impres­sive. It was so loud that it echoed off the bare walls of my apart­ment. I tried very, very hard not to gig­gle, smirk, or laugh.

I pre­tended I was asleep, while bit­ing my lip and stiff­en­ing my stom­ach to hold in my laugh­ter. I could feel him lift his head to check and see if he’d woken me up. I kind of think it was so loud that he woke him­self up. After about five min­utes, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

We both started laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cally. “Delayed response?” he asked as tears strolled down his face from laugh­ing so hard. We were both laugh­ing so hard that we were cry­ing for a solid 20 min­utes. It cer­tainly broke down any walls of shy­ness between us. It was such an unex­pected way to get past the “nor­mal body func­tions” and I’m 99% cer­tain he did it either by acci­dent or because he was sure I was asleep. To this day, we both lose it and laugh ridicu­lously when talk­ing about that night.

That was actu­ally our tenth date, which meant that accord­ing to my “10 dates, no sex” rule, we were free to have sex as we pleased. It was per­fect tim­ing, con­sid­er­ing he’d already bro­ken down any walls of inse­cu­rity with his flat­u­lence. Once we real­ized it was our tenth date, we double-checked all of our past dates to make sure it was actu­ally 10 full dates. Not sur­pris­ingly, we were right on target.

Since we were both wide awake as the sun started com­ing up, we thought it might be best to take advan­tage of the time, con­sid­er­ing the hol­i­days and busy sched­ules were near­ing. So, we hopped in the shower—this time, together…