QUESTION: I absolutely love being with a successful man! He’s a few years older than I am which is perfect because he’s so much more mature than guys my own age. I think we’re so compatible because we have a lot in common. Anyways, I only have one complaint. He recently took on a new client at work and now I feel like he spends more time working than he does with me. I know it might sound selfish, but he’s cancelled on our plans three times this week. Of course, he always makes up for it one way or another. But it’s really starting to get to me. What should I do?
CHELSEA SAYS: It sounds to me like you’re starting to develop some serious feelings for your successful man. If he was just “another guy” and nothing more, you probably wouldn’t mind that he was working so much.
First of all, your successful man may not even realize that he not being available bothers you so much, especially if it was agreed upon at the start of your relationship that things would be casual. The way he sees it—and the way you should try seeing it too—is that even if he’s not around physically, he’s still working with you in mind, if that’s any consolation.
Believe me, I totally understand where you’re coming from and why you’re upset—I’m a woman too, I get it. But have you tried talking to him about this? Like I said, he may not even realize there’s a problem in your relationship. If you do decide to speak up, which I really think you should if you’re that unhappy, don’t go into the conversation expecting him to drop everything for you. As blunt as it sounds, he was attached to his work before he was attached to you. That being said, if your successful man really cares about you, he’ll find a way to make the extra time if he knows that it will make his lady happier.
One more thing, and I hate to bring this up, but it’s something to think about. How much do you know about this new client of his? If it just happens to be a young beautiful woman, you might want to do a little more digging to make sure their meetings really are work related. But don’t jump to any conclusions! Start by asking him about this new client—make it sound like you’re just taking an interest in his work.
TRENT SAYS: Sounds like someone is falling hard for their successful man! I’m guessing that up until he got this new client, you and your man had some sort of arrangement or understanding of boundaries that dictated things like how often you saw each other. Maybe it was open-ended and you showered each other with limitless attention and affection. Or maybe it was just a couple times or once a week. Regardless, it sounds like it was working for you, which is great.
And I understand why you would be disappointed that he’s had to cancel on you as well. This holds true for most relationships I’d imagine—if you like someone, you want to spend more time with them.
Being in a relationship has its challenges. One of those challenges is the fact that it takes lots of work in and outside of the relationship to make it work. If you want to continue to enjoy the benefits of having a successful man, that might mean you’ll have to sacrifice some alone time with him.
You could tell your man that you’re disappointed he’s persistently cancelling on you. This would show him that you like being with him because of who he is, not because of what he does or how much money he makes. At the same time, it’s important to remember that he’s as successful as he is because of what he does. This means keeping clients and reeling in new ones. If it isn’t this client he’s got now, it will be another one down the line.