After my miscarriage, my May-December marriage suffered. We struggled to connect because of many reasons. I struggled trying to be sexual with and for Keegan, while he struggled trying to help me, because what I wanted and what I needed were often two different things. But we made it through the storm and out the other side; even if we were limping as a couple, we made it.
The day we hit the six-month mark in our marriage, my doctor called me personally—we had grown very close. They had been keeping such a close watch on me that now that we were finally cleared, the doctor needed me to know it was truly safe to try to conceive again if we wished to do so. Keegan was with me when I got the call and he was beyond relieved. His biggest fear was losing me due to some rare cancer that came out of the loss of our son.
That night, we made love in a truly sweet and passionate way. Hearing the news that we were cleared after having gone through everything that we did was a godsend for our relationship. What a huge weight it lifted off our shoulders. About four months after the loss of our son, I stopped all medications and allowed my body to heal naturally, but I continued to take prenatal vitamins to ensure that once we could try again, there wouldn’t be any risk of side effects from any medications.
We found out I was pregnant exactly three weeks to the day from that six-month mark. I called the doctor’s office and broke the news. Because it was so soon in the pregnancy, they were hesitantly happy for us. What they didn’t tell me was that getting pregnant this time around would require more tests than before. I had testing every three days initially, then every week, plus ultrasounds every two week. Everything finally calmed down once I hit the second trimester. I purchased a heart monitor to listen for the baby’s heartbeat at home any time I felt anxious that something was wrong. Sometimes Keegan and I would just lay there listening to the baby’s heart beating.
For Keegan, this was life’s greatest joy. His first-born child was a happy and healthy little girl who looked just like her daddy with brown hair and brown eyes. This time though, we had quite a disagreement about finding out the sex of the child. I had to know—the pregnancy was very similar to my first pregnancy, so I believed it was a girl. Keegan was just hoping for a happy baby—or at least that’s what he told anyone who asked. However, in private he admitted to me that, of course, he would love to have a son.
When the time came to find out, we were both ecstatic and nervous. It was about halfway through the pregnancy. “It’s another girl!” the technician said excitedly. We both looked at each other and smiled.
“I trusted your intuition, Vivian. I knew it would be a girl if you thought it was,” Keegan said, kissing me on the forehead. “She’ll just be a girl who plays soccer and baseball!”
We all had a good laugh, but a part of me was still terrified that this baby wouldn’t make it. But I kept my concerns quiet and let Keegan enjoy the moment.