What I Did to Make My Miserable Relationship with a Rich Older Man Worthwhile

I think it was John’s agenda to use women. His tech­nique was to sleep with them as soon as pos­si­ble and then start treat­ing them like shit, because in his shal­low mind, that was his way of hav­ing one up on you. So, it was no sur­prise when he sug­gested we have sex after meet­ing just a week ear­lier. I wasn’t ready, because I had already assumed what kind of man he was. If I was going to sleep with any­one, it would be on my time and on my terms.

Two weeks into our rela­tion­ship, we finally slept together. He insisted on skip­ping the con­dom, but I wasn’t going to do that. Sex with John was noth­ing to sing about, to say the least. After he kept insist­ing, I thought I had some­thing to look for­ward to. But to be bru­tally hon­est, it was a waste of sex. But for some rea­son he and I con­tin­ued a roller-coaster relationship.

He was aggres­sive and vul­gar, and a lot of times, I was embar­rassed to be around him. He was an aver­age wannabe that had struck it rich, but if you took away all his money, he was just another loud­mouth who liked all the atten­tion on him.

His staff feared him, as he never fol­lowed pro­to­col. He did things his way and he would say the vilest things to them, and fire and rehire them as he pleased, because he knew a lot of them needed him. He had his min­ions that fol­lowed him every­where and did every­thing he asked them to do. It seemed they wor­shipped him and I despised all of it.

Even to this day, I ques­tion what I saw in him, but I guess I was in such an empty place that I became des­per­ate. I needed some­one to give my life pur­pose and I needed some excite­ment; but above every­thing, I believed he was some­one that had seen so much and was so wounded and I could have fixed him. I wanted to be the one to fix him and when I did, we would have been OK.

John did have a sense of humor, and once you have the abil­ity to make me laugh, then I’m hooked. He wasn’t refined, he wasn’t suave—he was rough around the edges, and I think that was also what drew me to him and kept him around for over two years. John was not the kind of older man you would take home with­out going over the rules with him first. He’s the guy who would say the wrong thing to your mother, although he did know when to pretend.

After six months into the rela­tion­ship, I decided that I was not going to con­tinue if no money was forth­com­ing. I may not have needed it, but I was not going to have him in my life with­out him doing some­thing for me. So, I gave him an ulti­ma­tum: “What you won’t do, some­one else will.”

He didn’t take kindly to it, but my heart had hard­ened in a lot of ways to men, so if he had decided to walk away, then it would not have mat­tered. In my short years, I had expe­ri­enced a lot, hard and fast, because I wanted to have my own expe­ri­ences. Need­less to say, my tough exte­rior got me places, even with John.