I think it was John’s agenda to use women. His technique was to sleep with them as soon as possible and then start treating them like shit, because in his shallow mind, that was his way of having one up on you. So, it was no surprise when he suggested we have sex after meeting just a week earlier. I wasn’t ready, because I had already assumed what kind of man he was. If I was going to sleep with anyone, it would be on my time and on my terms.
Two weeks into our relationship, we finally slept together. He insisted on skipping the condom, but I wasn’t going to do that. Sex with John was nothing to sing about, to say the least. After he kept insisting, I thought I had something to look forward to. But to be brutally honest, it was a waste of sex. But for some reason he and I continued a roller-coaster relationship.
He was aggressive and vulgar, and a lot of times, I was embarrassed to be around him. He was an average wannabe that had struck it rich, but if you took away all his money, he was just another loudmouth who liked all the attention on him.
His staff feared him, as he never followed protocol. He did things his way and he would say the vilest things to them, and fire and rehire them as he pleased, because he knew a lot of them needed him. He had his minions that followed him everywhere and did everything he asked them to do. It seemed they worshipped him and I despised all of it.
Even to this day, I question what I saw in him, but I guess I was in such an empty place that I became desperate. I needed someone to give my life purpose and I needed some excitement; but above everything, I believed he was someone that had seen so much and was so wounded and I could have fixed him. I wanted to be the one to fix him and when I did, we would have been OK.
John did have a sense of humor, and once you have the ability to make me laugh, then I’m hooked. He wasn’t refined, he wasn’t suave—he was rough around the edges, and I think that was also what drew me to him and kept him around for over two years. John was not the kind of older man you would take home without going over the rules with him first. He’s the guy who would say the wrong thing to your mother, although he did know when to pretend.
After six months into the relationship, I decided that I was not going to continue if no money was forthcoming. I may not have needed it, but I was not going to have him in my life without him doing something for me. So, I gave him an ultimatum: “What you won’t do, someone else will.”
He didn’t take kindly to it, but my heart had hardened in a lot of ways to men, so if he had decided to walk away, then it would not have mattered. In my short years, I had experienced a lot, hard and fast, because I wanted to have my own experiences. Needless to say, my tough exterior got me places, even with John.