I would be lying if I said I wasn’t sad about the situation I had gotten myself in. Some days it was hard for me to even get out of bed and go to work. More than anything, I missed my husband. I felt guilty about what I had done to our marriage, and that I had hurt him more than he even knew.
In the meantime, I worked on my self-healing and self-love. Over time, I realized how big of a role I had played in pushing my husband to his limits. While I made no excuses for his actions, and believed that he crossed the line because of his lost power, I could now accept my part in the situation. I also realized that, instead of working on my marriage, I checked out and found a distraction that only made my marriage worse. My marriage was falling apart not because of him, or me, but because of both of us—we both made mistakes and I was finally ready to accept that.
During my separation, one of my friends told me something that really stuck with me. She said, “You know the saying that the grass is always greener on the other side? Well f*ck that! Anytime you find yourself envying the grass on the other side, you better step outside of your house and turn on the water. Start watering your own grass and I bet you it’ll get greener.” She was right. Instead of investing more time in my marriage, I invested more time in my affair and began to neglect my husband. I realized that I wanted things to work out with Robert, my husband. So, the next morning, I finally picked up the phone.
When he answered the phone, he did not say hello. Instead, he said, “Thank God you called. I’ve missed you so much. Please just come home.” I was so happy to hear him say those words.
In three months, I had realized who really mattered to me. I had made a commitment to a man who had the strength to stand before our friends and family and promise to love me forever. This was a man who stood by me when I needed him and who let me go when I needed to find myself. That night, I packed my bags and went home to my husband.