I had just asked out my much older friend, Keegan, but before things got serious, I needed to know how serious he was about me. So, I made a deal with him—10 dates, no sex. Surprisingly, he agreed, and even though I was ready to give after our sixth date, he stuck to my rule.
I had purchased some lingerie and decided to test Keegan’s honor. I knew he wouldn’t budge, but I needed to prove it to myself. And if he failed the test, then it wouldn’t be so bad, because I would finally get laid. So, I tried the sexy little lace outfit on and asked him to take a look and let me know what he thought of it.
His jaw hit the floor. Sure, when he met me at the bar I was wearing skimpy clothes, but that was quite some time ago and he actually knew me now. This put me in a whole new light for him, taking me from being that college girl who was barely older than his niece to someone he truly wanted to be with, someone he could see as a sexual being without feeling awkward about it, because I was so much younger. Even at the bar, he was always a gentleman and more interested in talking about my education and study material than anything else, mostly because of our age difference.
So, there we were, both visibly excited. He hugged me and held me close. “YES!” I thought to myself, expecting him to ask me to break our no-sex agreement. But he excused himself to the bathroom. I was completely dumbfounded. I had no idea what happened.
Through the bathroom door he said to me, “Vivian, you look absolutely amazing and I want you more than anything right now. But I made a promise to you, a promise that I fully intend to keep.”
I let out a big sigh and retreated to my room, completely embarrassed and ashamed. I quickly got dressed and sat on the edge of my bed for a few moments, collecting my thoughts. Luckily, he came to join me and kissed me passionately, laying me down onto the bed. We made out like that for a while, without a second thought about what had just happened.
That was when I knew, without a single doubt in my mind, that this was the man for me. Sure, he was nearly 20 years my senior, but there was nothing anyone could say to change my mind.
Later that night, I was out for a walk and I called my mom for some advice. I explained the situation that unfolded earlier that evening. She laughed and said that it was a “tactile move,” but to be careful—if he’d wanted what I was teasing him with, he would have found a way to get it earlier.
We both had a good laugh at my silly antics. My mom and I had a really rough patch where we didn’t talk as much, mostly the typical mother-daughter issues. It just took some time for us to both reach a good balance in our personal lives. And at that point in my life, no one understood me and my attraction to older men like she did. After all, she was married to my stepfather who was 78 at the time, and she was just turning 55.
One of the most important things she ever taught me about dating my older man was to always put him first. I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant, until a little later in my May-December relationship with Keegan.