QUESTION: My boyfriend is one classy, successful guy. He always treats me with respect, never talks down to me, and always puts me first. A couple of weeks ago, he introduced me to his friend, which I thought was a big step in our relationship. I was a perfect lady, but his friend was a complete douche bag. He was pretentious, obnoxious, and talked about women like they were pieces of meat right in front of me! I casually mentioned it to my boyfriend the next day, but he just laughed it off and defended his friend’s behavior. What do you do when you can’t stand your boyfriend’s buddy?
CHELSEA SAYS: Did your successful man defend his friend’s behavior or his friend? Because those are two very different things. I’m going to guess that he was defending his friend, because it doesn’t sound like your man shares those same douche bag insights about women. It’s only natural for him to have his buddy’s back—I’m sure you would do the same for your girlfriends, right? After all, his friend has probably been in his life much longer than you have.
The good news is you’re dating your successful man, not his friend. So, if you’re not comfortable hanging out with his friend, then you don’t have to. You can’t really dictate who your boyfriend should and shouldn’t hang out with—he’s a big boy. You clearly won’t be comfortable spending time with your successful man’s friend, so just tell him that you think it would be best if you opted out of the group get-togethers. He should respect your wishes. Besides, guys like their male bonding time, so it might not be such a bad thing if he didn’t bring you along every time.
However, if you really like this guy, then you may have to suck it up once or twice, I’m not saying all the time, but just when the occasion calls for it. As much as this friend irks you, it wouldn’t kill you to tag along with your man when he really, really wants you to. I’m sure there have been instances where he’s done something he really didn’t want to for you.
In other words, you won’t be able to dodge the douche bag forever. If your successful man asks you to tag along on an occasional group date, bring along a couple of your own friends so that you can do your girlfriend duties and say hello, but then separate from the herd and not have to spend the rest of the night sitting at the bar alone.
TRENT SAYS: Try not to spend time with his friend. While you can’t dictate who your boyfriend chooses to keep as friends, you can certainly tell him you don’t want to spend time with them. After all, chances are real good that you’re not going to change this douche bag’s point of view, just like he’s not going to be able to persuade you that all women are chattel.
Tell your successful man that your time with him is special, and having his friend tag along ruins it for you. Just because the world is full of pretentious, obnoxious losers, it doesn’t mean you want to be surrounded by them. Your time is important too, after all. And a happy girlfriend makes for a happy boyfriend.