What Should You Do When You Can’t Stand Your Older Man’s Friends?

QUESTION: My boyfriend is one classy, suc­cess­ful guy. He always treats me with respect, never talks down to me, and always puts me first. A cou­ple of weeks ago, he intro­duced me to his friend, which I thought was a big step in our rela­tion­ship. I was a per­fect lady, but his friend was a com­plete douche bag. He was pre­ten­tious, obnox­ious, and talked about women like they were pieces of meat right in front of me! I casu­ally men­tioned it to my boyfriend the next day, but he just laughed it off and defended his friend’s behav­ior. What do you do when you can’t stand your boyfriend’s buddy?

CHELSEA SAYS: Did your suc­cess­ful man defend his friend’s behav­ior or his friend? Because those are two very dif­fer­ent things. I’m going to guess that he was defend­ing his friend, because it doesn’t sound like your man shares those same douche bag insights about women. It’s only nat­ural for him to have his buddy’s back—I’m sure you would do the same for your girl­friends, right? After all, his friend has prob­a­bly been in his life much longer than you have.

The good news is you’re dat­ing your suc­cess­ful man, not his friend. So, if you’re not com­fort­able hang­ing out with his friend, then you don’t have to. You can’t really dic­tate who your boyfriend should and shouldn’t hang out with—he’s a big boy. You clearly won’t be com­fort­able spend­ing time with your suc­cess­ful man’s friend, so just tell him that you think it would be best if you opted out of the group get-togethers. He should respect your wishes. Besides, guys like their male bond­ing time, so it might not be such a bad thing if he didn’t bring you along every time.

How­ever, if you really like this guy, then you may have to suck it up once or twice, I’m not say­ing all the time, but just when the occa­sion calls for it. As much as this friend irks you, it wouldn’t kill you to tag along with your man when he really, really wants you to. I’m sure there have been instances where he’s done some­thing he really didn’t want to for you.

In other words, you won’t be able to dodge the douche bag for­ever. If your suc­cess­ful man asks you to tag along on an occa­sional group date, bring along a cou­ple of your own friends so that you can do your girl­friend duties and say hello, but then sep­a­rate from the herd and not have to spend the rest of the night sit­ting at the bar alone.

TRENT SAYS:  Try not to spend time with his friend. While you can’t dic­tate who your boyfriend chooses to keep as friends, you can cer­tainly tell him you don’t want to spend time with them. After all, chances are real good that you’re not going to change this douche bag’s point of view, just like he’s not going to be able to per­suade you that all women are chattel.

Tell your suc­cess­ful man that your time with him is spe­cial, and hav­ing his friend tag along ruins it for you. Just because the world is full of pre­ten­tious, obnox­ious losers, it doesn’t mean you want to be sur­rounded by them. Your time is impor­tant too, after all. And a happy girl­friend makes for a happy boyfriend.