What to Do When You Don’t Come First

QUESTION: I just found my boyfriend’s stash of adult videos dis­creetly hid­den in his sock drawer. Am I not enough for him? Why would he hide them from me?

CHELSEA SAYS: He is prob­a­bly hid­ing them from you because he knows that you’re going to freak out, kind of like you’re doing right now, and he just wants to avoid hav­ing to talk to you about it. Every­body has their thing, maybe this is his and he’s just not com­fort­able shar­ing that with you, at least not yet. It doesn’t mean that sex with you isn’t enough. From my expe­ri­ence, a lot of men watch a lit­tle on-screen action every now and then. If it hasn’t affected your rela­tion­ship till now, I wouldn’t worry about it. Plus, you never know, maybe he’ll pick up a thing or two.

TRENT SAYS:  Was your sex life suf­fer­ing before you found the videos, or now that you’ve found them, are you begin­ning to ques­tion things? On one hand, we’re pre­dictable and some old habits never die; even if we’re get­ting it from you three times a day, we’ll still want to plea­sure our­selves. We’re also visual crea­tures. If it both­ers you that much, then talk to him about it. Ask him if he’d rather look at naked pic­tures or videos of you instead. At the same time, if it makes you feel uncom­fort­able that he’s fan­ta­siz­ing about hav­ing sex with porn stars, dis­cuss it. If you feel like you’re being dis­re­spected or not desired enough, you need to address that.

QUESTION: I love my mature, suc­cess­ful man and I’m very happy with him—we’ve been together for just over a year now. My prob­lem is that he’s a huge sports buff and when­ever there’s a game on, I feel like I don’t exist. How do I get him to pay more atten­tion to me than to the game?

CHELSEA SAYS: Rela­tion­ships are suc­cess­ful when you do things together. If he likes sports and you really do love him and want to be with him, then you need to be part of that. It’s called com­pro­mise. You might not want to spend your Sun­day after­noon watch­ing foot­ball, but if you make the effort to join your boyfriend in the fes­tiv­i­ties, he’ll not only notice your effort, but he’ll appre­ci­ate it. If all else fails, drop your robe in front of him. Few men have the power to resist a naked woman. Just be ready to fol­low through with what he’ll be expect­ing next.

TRENT SAYS: You can either learn to love sports, or learn how to dis­tract him. The lat­ter will be eas­ier. If you want to con­nect more, take some time to learn more about base­ball, foot­ball, hockey, ten­nis (or what­ever) and watch it with him on TV so that you can par­tic­i­pate in con­ver­sa­tions together. Or get tick­ets to a game and go together. For a more direct approach, make snacks in a French Maid out­fit, or serve them wear­ing only an apron. Here’s another idea: dur­ing a com­mer­cial break, sneak in a lit­tle per­sonal time. Sure, this may sound like self-serving advice, but it’ll work. And after all, I’m just here to help you succeed.