QUESTION: I just found my boyfriend’s stash of adult videos discreetly hidden in his sock drawer. Am I not enough for him? Why would he hide them from me?
CHELSEA SAYS: He is probably hiding them from you because he knows that you’re going to freak out, kind of like you’re doing right now, and he just wants to avoid having to talk to you about it. Everybody has their thing, maybe this is his and he’s just not comfortable sharing that with you, at least not yet. It doesn’t mean that sex with you isn’t enough. From my experience, a lot of men watch a little on-screen action every now and then. If it hasn’t affected your relationship till now, I wouldn’t worry about it. Plus, you never know, maybe he’ll pick up a thing or two.
TRENT SAYS: Was your sex life suffering before you found the videos, or now that you’ve found them, are you beginning to question things? On one hand, we’re predictable and some old habits never die; even if we’re getting it from you three times a day, we’ll still want to pleasure ourselves. We’re also visual creatures. If it bothers you that much, then talk to him about it. Ask him if he’d rather look at naked pictures or videos of you instead. At the same time, if it makes you feel uncomfortable that he’s fantasizing about having sex with porn stars, discuss it. If you feel like you’re being disrespected or not desired enough, you need to address that.
QUESTION: I love my mature, successful man and I’m very happy with him—we’ve been together for just over a year now. My problem is that he’s a huge sports buff and whenever there’s a game on, I feel like I don’t exist. How do I get him to pay more attention to me than to the game?
CHELSEA SAYS: Relationships are successful when you do things together. If he likes sports and you really do love him and want to be with him, then you need to be part of that. It’s called compromise. You might not want to spend your Sunday afternoon watching football, but if you make the effort to join your boyfriend in the festivities, he’ll not only notice your effort, but he’ll appreciate it. If all else fails, drop your robe in front of him. Few men have the power to resist a naked woman. Just be ready to follow through with what he’ll be expecting next.
TRENT SAYS: You can either learn to love sports, or learn how to distract him. The latter will be easier. If you want to connect more, take some time to learn more about baseball, football, hockey, tennis (or whatever) and watch it with him on TV so that you can participate in conversations together. Or get tickets to a game and go together. For a more direct approach, make snacks in a French Maid outfit, or serve them wearing only an apron. Here’s another idea: during a commercial break, sneak in a little personal time. Sure, this may sound like self-serving advice, but it’ll work. And after all, I’m just here to help you succeed.